BreadBoy [he/him]
Took the words out of my mouth. Fash need to learn fear if anything is to actually change, and the enabling of cops that has gone on for decades if not centuries will not be peacefully protested away.
Remember having a faint glimmer of hope that everything wouldn’t be the worst case scenario?
I absolutely felt alienated and angry that all these unnecessary accusations were flying around, and I didn’t even engage.
I added my pronouns to be nice and I didn’t realize we could do it post creation, but holy shit there was DEFINITELY some people actively starting shit. If I had anywhere else to go to feel like an accepted leftist I probably would have. The bullying really activated my fight response because it had the same energy as the traumatic shit I went through where the bullies had the powers-that-be behind them and knew they wouldn’t face any consequences. I’m aggressive as hell with the enemy, but man I couldn’t hold a candle to a lot of stuff being said. Nobody was stepping back and listening, just fucking accusatory baiting.
So I to made a thread that would try to humanize everyone and remind us we’re on the SAME TEAM and I actually wanted to know more about. Helped me calm down, but the fact remains that I feel like I would be thrown under the bus at any second by my allies for not passing every purity test. I’m sure that isn’t an exclusive feeling. Call me a class reductionist, but we have history to fight. Not each other.
Seriously, I keep clicking these and I’m not dead. Just more pissed, which makes me want to be dead more.
It’s bad. I’ve been interviewing and job searching since the start and I feel like I’ve lost so much sanity having to pretend that everything is fine for these fucking HR people. I just want to be able to live and hopefully pay off this fucking degree, doing the dance is ripping away my will to live.
I tried to get something going at the start of the year and had no success. I’m not the charismatic type. I’m a blunt object to be thrown at a problem until its fixed. And what I desperately want to fix is stubborn brain worms.
TBH, I doubt I’d have a place in a utopian society besides being a relic.
I’ve tried meditating and I just can’t do it right. I always get stuck on some thought on exactly how much this society fucking sucks, get frustrated I can’t let it go, and then compounded into even more things I’ve failed at. And my normie stuff is playing games, which is full of g*mers.