CantTrip [she/her]
I know every situation is different but if your bosses went into your wallet while you were at lunch and took out 20 bucks every day, would you not call them out? Even if it meant some consequences? There’s something vital about standing up for yourself - they only get away so easy with it because its robbery with extra steps (a la Rick & Morty)
I worked as a research assistant in adolescent medicine in college. My gut told me the first statement wasn’t even true.
Here’s a large study of adolescent stealing behaviors.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3671850/#!po=1.19048
Demographics of the sample are presented (Table 1). The overall prevalence of stealing was 15.2% (95%CI: 14.8–17.0). Twenty-nine students (0.72% of the entire sample, 4.6% of those who steal) endorsed stealing symptoms consistent with a DSM-IV diagnosis of kleptomania. Males were more likely to have reported stealing than were girls. African-Americans and Asian-Americans were more likely to have reported stealing. Those students in 9th grade were more likely to have stolen, and students living with two parents were less likely to have stolen (Table 1).
It’s self reported, which can be a rub if boys are more willing to admit to behaviors they see as masculine/ adventurous, and girls less so if they’ve internalized that the same behavior is “trashy”/ unfeminine. But n=3999 and it apparently tracks with other studies with differing methodologies. Kids are pretty honest about behaviors on surveys, actually, as a general rule.
If anyone is wondering, girls made up a smaller percentage of those in the “kleptomania- qualifying” group too.
So maybe boys are more likely to go through a stealing thing because their ancestors had to provide for their mates during/ after pregnancies. Just spit balling here.
[Anyone else find it weird that they write males in the bolded sentence and then girls?]
I actually was in a similar situation as you. The absence was a bit shorter (3 years), and I did have a reference from my old job who knew about my situation (reconnecting with that person and updating them was really really hard, but very worth it). But I also had two possession misdemeanors from that time and was finishing up probation.
If you don’t want to go the flat out lie and make up jobs route, here are my tips:
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Long absence: sick family member you have been caretaking that has recently passed, and you are soo ready to get back to full time work
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No reference: hopefully you can reach out to someone, anyone, from that old job and let them know you’ve not worked since…due to >insert how honest you’re willing to be<. If not, your most charismatic friend/ family, and call them a volunteer coworker or something
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Job hunting: my best luck was always on Craigslist. Look for smaller/ family companies, they usually have less hard processes and more of a “feel things out” approach. They also pay less. Oh well. Indeed and ZipRecruiter are more competitive and have an algorithm that figures out we’re fuck ups
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Type of job: You might want to consider looking for jobs in areas where your past isn’t so crazy to people. If you’re a database manager, for instance, look for jobs in a mental health service network/ addiction recovery network. Then you can be more honest and tie it into why you want the job. This ultimately didn’t work for me, but it almost did a couple times.
Good luck!! I really thought I was never going to get a decent job again, but then it just… worked out one of those times. Luck+Tenacity. Granted, I’m still hourly when I should be salaried, but I have benefits (and hope). Wishing you the same.
No totally, you’re point is very clear and well- taken and the person you’re replying to must have had a recent bad convo with some chud using vehicular death as a minimization or something.
Just because someone “could” use vehicular death as a minimization of other things doesn’t mean that’s what you’re doing, and I think the users here aren’t so disingenuous that you can’t even raise your point.
Tons of violent road deaths, tons of trauma and broken families, and an unwillingness to examine it because greatly improving it would cost money.
OMG this was my experience too.
“Doesn’t stuff like this happen all the time?” I had an anxious mother, and I was (surprise!) an anxious child.
I was oddly comforted that this was seen as uniquely bad - thankfully it didn’t make me more anxious… quite the opposite.
Really cool to hear someone else shared this reaction.
The War on Drugs is in many ways the root of exploding police budgets…
Pedantic point, maybe, but the real root of those things was a mix of racism and a desire to violently oppress poor people to benefit the wealthy. The War on Drugs was a powerful means to do this, but without it, there would have been something else.
“The War on Bad Childhoods,” where Black and/or poor parents are surveilled/incarcerated/beaten/shook down for “yelling” at their kids, perhaps?
The list of issues that directly affect cis women and not trans women is pretty short: abortion access, menstruation needs, OBGYN/childbirth services, etc. My trans comrades have always had my back on those issues.
So we know Arielle’s opinions are about “safety in locker rooms” and other issues that - if they were good faith - directly affect trans women, too. But they’re not in good faith, they’re transphobic garbage.
You can’t point to an example of a feminist talking about negligent, for-profit childbirth centers and getting called a TERF for it. I’ve never seen that.
Did you try to find a new home on Reddit after the ban? What’s the scene there for ex-CTH posters? I’ve noticed r/blackwolffeed has a lot more activity now, full on conversations that expand beyond the posted episode.
Anyway I’m glad you found your way here!