CantTrip [she/her]
Dude you are having a fit right now and the desperation with which you accuse someone disagreeing with you of being sheltered is disturbing.
I’m truly sorry you grew up in a situation with lots of violence born out of poverty and have had to deal with lots of trauma. But using that as justification for defaulting to violence in every tense situation… while understandable,…is messed up.
I don’t claim to know or understand your situation, but I’ve been mugged at gun point, etc. too I’m coming from a place of legit critique and not mockery
I definitely wanted to get sober. I think most people who say they want to get sober are telling the truth. It’s just very, very hard to accomplish. There’s a lot of immediate suffering for what’s hopefully a long term payoff - and that’s the exact opposite of the addiction mindset, you know?
So I kept trying, and eventually succeeded. I definitely used again after the worst period (which you can only identify in retrospect). I learned a little each attempt and the final one was a lucky combination and I had a shred of hope for the future.
Which is why I really think giving addicts resources, support, and hope is a better bet than the framing that negative things are happening and will keep happening until they get sober. (And I’m not saying it’s a dichotomy and you’re all about the latter).
And of course you can and should only help in the ways that are safe and healthy for you. It’s so common for recovered addicts to want to work with other addicts but it has its dangers too, which we must stay vigilant about. Not helping because it’s unhealthy for you is a good enough reason all in its own! It’s independent from the question of whether or would help or hurt the addict.
I’m glad you commented these thoughts. I’m a recovered addict who works with addicts and I commented my experiences in reply to amethystamiss too.
Myself and many addicts get clean after many attempts… and the successful attempt is usually when there’s some hope and support in the picture. The opposite of rock bottom.
It’s hard as a recovered addict to even wrap your head around how you came to be successfully sober after so much hardship and failure to do so. I can see why many just adopt the AA/NA mythology of “I finally hit rock bottom,” or “I finally took responsibility for my addiction,”… it’s an easier narrative than “my tenth attempt was good timing, a decent treatment model, and a dose of luck,” which is how it feels to me.
I’m a huge proponent of giving addicts resources regardless of their sobriety or even their intentions regarding sobriety. One of the most important messages to them is that they are still a part of society, they are not broken off from it… that there’s a decent life waiting for them on the other side.
Haha, no, I’m a recovered heroin addict and work with addicts and this approach of “I’ll only ever help you if you submit to a round of withdrawals to show you’re worth helping,” is only one attitude among many.
I think some recovered addicts look back on their own experience and think “yes when I got sober it was because things were really awful and I finally got serious and other addicts can only get clean if things are awful enough [rock bottom myth] …and if they fail they are not ‘serious.’”
Perhaps that was indeed true for you, but it wasn’t for me and it’s not for many people. I made several extremely serious attempts at sobriety before I was successful. The time I got and stayed clean was not the lowest point in my addiction history.
The most important thing in my mind for helping addicts is making them feel like they are still a part of a community and they have value and that getting sober would mean they could connect to that community even more and fufill all that potential. So… treating them as adult human beings.: “If I had the money to spare to help you, I would, because i know you’re in a tough spot, but I’m trying to be there for a few different people… and I can’t be of financial assistance, only emotional and transport assistance.” Which is true… if I were a millionaire I’d absolutely give them money. Withholding money and resources does not cure addiction. We wish it were that simple. Research shows addicts are more likely to recover if they have more resources. actually. So much for rock bottom…
I also hope you’ll look at the research on different ways of treating opiate addiction. “Inpatient” is usually not the most effective treatment model. Outpatient, Medication- Assisted Therapy (buprenorphine/Suboxone) over 1-2 years combined with one- on- one addiction counseling has the highest success rate. It allows addicts to learn how to be sober in the context of their own lives, and avoids withdrawals - severe withdrawals decrease success.
I respect you and your experience, which is why I think it’s worth discussing the differences in approach.
Gotta take issue with the “addicts don’t recover unless something drastic happens” - that’s the ‘rock bottom’ type myth that prevents addicts from getting the support they need and incentivizes further alienating them from society.
I was a heroin addict and then a hard-core alcoholic and I’m two years sober. The ‘drastic thing’ that happened was that in the misery of addiction I would try to get clean and fail and then try… and fail… and try another way… and fail… until one day I tried…and succeeded. The silver bullet was actually just that I had enough support and the bare bones resources so that my attempts had a fighting chance of working.
Don’t apologize. My cats are indoor and only go outside on a harness. But as a cat lover, when people bemoan the ecological harm, I just aggressively agree. They want to sterilize all stray and feral cats and move as many inside into homes as possible as the street population dies out? Encourage owners to keep cats safe and happy indoors if possible? Yeah, me too. Who’s doing that work… people who love cats or hate cats?
Unless they just wanna kill all the cats, the only viable solution to ecological harm is the same goal that advocates have for the well being of cats.
Getting an IUD was such a load off my mind. Definitely increased my sexual happiness. Yes, insertion is painful and I wish my partner and I could trade off every 5 years. Actually, we’d both probably just get it because increased security is worth the 3 minutes of big ouch and 1 day of small ouch.
Condoms are not as effective as hormonal (or copper iud) birth control. Using them instead of birth control increases “fairness” but the least fair thing that can happen in consensual, healthy sex is an unwanted pregnancy and that happens to the AFAB person.
This argument is so stupid for the majority of people who have sex. Exception being AFABs with awful side effects.
I’m gonna say 54. I think it will be similar to, but slightly under 2016. There’s been no progress enfranchising people, and the situation is largely the same: uninspiring “less evil” vs “worst evil ever” with the latter having a dedicated minority fan base.
The pandemic/ mail ballots will decrease it by the ~1.5% (well, more than that but I’m offsetting it with how even more dangerous Trump is to people). The percentage of people who are too disinterested/ cynical/ exhausted/ unmotivated to vote will remain the same. Most leftists who swore they wouldn’t vote are coming around, the ones still holding fast mostly didn’t vote last time.
If I’m right, how many upbears are mine to keep?
Yeah, being in contact with someone you’re brokenhearted about is torture. I did that for a couple years after my college partner broke things off.
After we had a good amount of time and geographical distance, and I moved on and dated new people, we were able to rekindle a healthy friendship. It helps that I’m in a great healthy relationship with a guy I love and that my ex is trans and embraced her gender and I’m straight (although at the height of our romance I would’ve been with her no matter her gender).
Now I have a great friend and there’s zero pining. I wouldn’t have thought it possible 5 years ago, but things change.
There’s a special kind of emotional closeness in those friendships, they’ve usually seen you without the mask you put on for the world so you can be real with them. They’re also a great source for perspective with your new relationships - they know you’re habits and pitfalls - but don’t ask unless you’re ready to hear it lol