Jesus [he/him]

Gates is not going to heaven.

I kiss my father on his luscious, divine lips daily.

Verily I say onto thee, there is nothing wrong with kissing your dad.

I’m vegan, but I understand. Garlic and butter work wonders.

You might be too if you had his childhood.

He had a strict father who withheld approval and affection, resorting to physical discipline for the smallest infraction. He was raised in a world of harsh rigid boundaries.

I hope he finds a sense of peace and comes to truly embrace my teachings of compassion, radical acceptance, total liberation, mutual aid, healthcare, and extreme wealth redistribution.

I’ve got a lot more than 5 kids who died from the pandemic up here, I promise you.

I’m sure he means consensually after taking you out to a nice seafood dinner and a midnight mass.

I am always here among all of you, but felt compelled to speak to this stray lamb who had wandered in.

I don’t blame you for it, Lucifer, you’re just doing the job you were created to perform.

It will not, unfortunately. It will crumble before then. However the society that grows from your ashes will be a just and plentiful one, so says the lord.

I have a long history with hogs.