ReceptorDamage [any]
Water fasting did wonders for my tire. It disappeared. It’s different for everyone obviously, but my god, doing a few week-long water fasts (and eating ‘healthy’ in between) solved the problem. I was doing some mild weight training and cardio too, but I kept it pretty light. Of course a couple years later I fell back into bad habits and big surprise, I have a tire wrapped around my midsection again! But. I plan to do some fasting again soon. Maybe. Hopefully. If anyone else decides to do a water fast, do your research, know what you’re getting into, and be conscientious and healthy about it.
Re the spoiler: I’d like to think so, I’d like to think I’m worth something. And in some ways, I am - I fucking experienced life. That’s worth something.
But given the current social currency, the standard of society, I’m not. I mean, of course fuck that standard, yeah, but it’s still what holds sway, you know? We don’t matter if we don’t make a checkmark in some fuckhole’s ledger.
I appreciate it. There is nothing to figure out, no best way to respond. I’m just venting and screaming into the void somewhere where people might hear. So thanks for listening. I guess a person can always turn around their life if they really really have the drive to do so. I just think a lot of us just don’t have that in us. Which is ok, it’s human. It sucks, it might be worth mourning, but it is what it is.
As for helping… it doesn’t need to be helpful, it’s just nice to connect with another human being sometimes. So thanks.
umm…
:meow-hug:
I’m now over 40. :agony-deep: I have no skills. I’ve been unemployed and without income since 2019. Always on the brink of being homeless but still lucky to be depending on people in my dwindling, aging family who hate me and think I’m a loser (perhaps rightly so). Privileged piece of shit, I know I am. I’m not sure where to go from here except for content-warning places I won’t come back from. What should I do? I have serious mental health problems buy I have no way of addressing them. I just want people, anyone, to like me and think I’m worth something. But I’m not. I need help but there’s nowhere I can ask for it. Including here. No one here is equipped to deal with the social consequences of ultra atomization and the resulting mental health. fallout. But who is? No one. I’m crashing, comrades. I want to be part of some movement to make life better for the all of us. But I’m crumbling. I don’t want to be hyperbolic, but I think I’m dying. I’m alone. I’m so alone. I want to cry out for help but no one can help, and if they could, they’d be better off helping people in even greater need than the privileged perspective my cries emerge from, like the bleats from a newborn loser.
It’s hard not to. You listen to those who play the way you wish you could. It’s encouragement and aspiration, but also a reminder of what you’ll never be. It’s fine (and easy) to say that that doesn’t matter, just to be what you are and be content with that. But there will always be a drive to be more. That’s good. That’s what drives innovation and the breaking of boundaries. But for an old loser with failing health and diminishing talent… it’s just a reminder of what will never be. And that’s ok too, even while it’s painful. I just wish I could pick up the instrument again and enjoy playing it. But I can’t. Capitalism ruined me. It forced me to think I had to be as good or better than what I heard, and I simply never will be. Again, I know that’s ok. But I’m still trained to feel hurt by it.
I have several guitars. (I’m poor but guitar was my thing for a bit). All are cheap, since I never had money, ever. But I was learning some Joe Satriani songs. I felt like I could maybe be worth something. But then I just stopped playing. It was all trying to be something that so many others were infinitely better at. When I could still feel it, that was ok. Who gives a shit if there will always be someone better, that’s just fucking life, obviously. But instead I started not to even feel it. Why play guitar when it’s just rote, just a lame, incomplete attempt to be “good”? I stopped playing, and I never picked it up again (2 years later), to my deepest regret.
I just can’t fucking feel anything anymore. And Playing music was all about feeling something. I think I’m on my way out.
I play guitar!! Or I did. I was getting really into it a year or so ago. I mean, I played on and off for years, (decade or more?) I was learning to “shred” and actually get decent. Like background and theory and guided practice. But I just fell away from it and it became poison. Another thing I wanted to do but would never be worth anything.
I try to walk a few miles every day, but it doesn’t always happen. And fucking hell, I’m lucky to even be able to get to walk at all a lot of times. I know plenty of people who rightly see daily walks as a luxury. this fucking world.
Edit: But you are 100% right. Exercise does help. Mindfulness helps. “Touching grass” helps. I don’t mean to undermine that.