Hongohones
Funny call from an Amnesty phone chugger today. His words are in inverted commas, mine are not.
“Do you want a copy of the lgbtqia+ ally guide?” Apparently I asked for one somewhere. I don’t remember doing so. Ummm, well, I guess maybe I asked for it so I could give it to my mother, she’s trying but not the greatest ally. “Do you want to be a great ally to all your lgbtqia+ peers?” Ummm, I’m trans and gay. I’m not sure I need it, but I guess I could be a better ally too. Ok, send it along. Did you know that in 68 countries it’s still illegal to be gay. Yes. “Something something, death, capital punishment, homophobia something death, despair pain” Ok, fair. “Now, would you like to pay 30$ a month to help us create change in those countries?” I can’t really afford at the moment. I had to leave a transphobic workplace where I was also bullied by queer staff and now earn substantially less money. “Well consistency is more important than the amount, how about $10” No, please stop. I volunteer for a transgender advocacy and peer support organisation who are actively promoting change across Victoria. I’m doing something proactive locally, which is about all I have the capacity for at the moment. “Ok can we just confirm your email address? It’s deadname@gmail.com correct?” Uh yeah, that’ll work but that’s my DEAD NAME! “ok DEADNAME, I’ll send the ally guide there” I’m feeling definitely good enough today and share and laugh about this, but fucken ell, ally this, death suffering, chugger chugger, deadname, ally that. ok? LMAO
So I got a lot of upvotes for my request for you all to help the many organisations ready willing and able to accept your support. But no comments. Someone has downvoted a lot of comments, like gone through my profile clicking. I mean it’s very petty but this is the crap we endure and it’s often after tv programs like the one which aired the other night. I won’t reference it but my family members watched and it was a bit of a witch hunt. Now I have to waste time I should be chilling out in writing about it, challenging the garbage with family.
Racism gets squashed and called out for very good reason, but transphobes are allowed “an opinion” and people do not much to help. Getting my pronouns right will not help my friend obtain full time work. Being an “ally” means fighting alongside us in my opinion. The organisations will have much more measured dialogue, but I don’t represent any of them. I volunteer with one of them, but I’m not allowed to speak on their behalf and am not bound by the same codes of ethics their paid staff are. I can’t change this thing about myself any more than someone can change their heritage. Would you call someone out for saying disparaging things about a Yinnar man with very pale skin like one of my friends?
It’s a serious issue world wide and people calling themselves “allies” just comes across as them feeling sorry for us a lot of the time. People still think we have a choice in the matter but the reality is you either allow yourself the incredible personal honesty required in the face of discrimination or you slowly die. 37% of young transgender people have attempted suicide, that’s just the young ones who have been surveyed. but many many of us spend years thinking about it before diagnosis. Ask me how I know?
So, no one commented on my post about helping my community. I think I gave very clear options. Is everyone just going to sit on their hands? Plenty of upvotes but you see why I say people are all talk. I give people options to make a real difference and it’s crickets.
I’m not angry or disappointed and this is not attacking anyone, we all have capacities and I don’t expect people to drop everything to help. I wish I didn’t need to have to explain all this stuff, but I feel obligated to. And just so you’re aware, I was a volunteer being realising I was trans. I recognised something needed to be done and stepped up. I’m done, I have to go to work. Thx for reading… especially my downvoter, wasting your time is a privilege.
Had one of those I wasn’t even supposed to be here today kind of mornings. I don’t normally work Mondays. One colleague told me they were running late, but were actually at a different workplace. Poor other colleague was late because he got bailed up for money by some junkies in the city. I’m not sure if he was hurt as he has only been in Australia a couple of months so there’s a language barrier, but he was shaken up pretty bad. I’ll meet him at his city landing point next time we work together to see where he’s walking, he may very easily be able to avoid the scummy parts of the city like I do. But yeah, standing around in one of our windy laneways for 45 minutes with an almost dead phone gave me a case of the Mondays.
Misanthropy brews. Sorry if I’ve seemed pissed off lately, but I have been. I hope it’s just the nicotine withdrawal.
I keep getting reminded in AA that many of the people there are super ill. Both by members and the ill people with their awful behaviour. A lot of misgendering and ridicule or creepy comments about my appearance. It’s been mostly good for me, as it’s developing a routine and meeting other sober people, but I’m having doubts about staying long term like some of the cultists as I call them. The whole idea of getting people to sponsor each other is quite problematic, as they have zero training and there is no training or place to complain about someone being really bad at it except to other members, and then you’re kinda breaking the anonymity. Nothing’s perfect and it definitely works for a lot of people, but there’s also a pretty low retention rate in the program. I won’t throw in the towel yet, but I’ve definitely narrowed my scope and actual places I can feel safe without getting resentful or angry with someone else in the room, which is exactly what we’re told to avoid. We’re supposed to turn the other cheek and try and help that person, but they’re a creep, they’re obviously going to take it the wrong way.
end rant.
has anyone else had any experience with these anonymous groups?
Got some of the wonderful old gender euphoria back today. I haven’t changed perspective or had anything special happen, it was just seeing my reflection in a shop window and seeing my figure looking a lot more feminine. People think trans women just want to look like cis women, but hrt changes us in so many ways and I reject cis normative ideas of what women are supposed to appear like. If I feel more femme I just fucking well am. I’ve kinda stopped journaling as nothing much different is happening lately so I’m glad today I can mark time again with a note of joy.
Wow, so I lost a friend who I thought I’d just put on hold, who I bitched about then the very next day gained a new one who’s a real gem. Language barrier has been overcome. We’re already making plans and though she’s been in transition longer, she’s super nice about giving advice which is good for a change, I’m sort of used to feeling a bit bullied or condescended to by trans women. The hangover from the toxic masculinity they showed as a mask or a defence mechanism is real. We’re getting dinner on Thursday and probably working together again soon as well. She’s just as excited to meet another super positive and proactive trans woman. We all struggle with shit from time to time, but I’ve mentally been living in my gratitude for all the good things I have recently. Could be the weather, could be the extra oestrogen, could be transition, could be the sobriety, could be the job, could be finally feeling attractive and loving my new body, could be the good food, could very well be the journalling. All these things are supposed to bring happiness. Maybe I should just admit I have big crushes on about six people at the moment and keep daydreaming about them all. woo. time for some vitamin d uptake. I’ll also brave the salvos looking obviously trans cos fuck them.