Men everywhere know that women everywhere have no idea how hard men have it. You ladies swan around with your boobs and arses CRUELY IGNORING men everywhere while they supplicate themselves for your attention in the form of artful messages (“when will it be my turn?”), gentlemanly comments (“I’d like to bury my face in that cunt and eat until I reach China.”), and, of course, heartfelt and selfless advice and constructive criticism (“you should shave off that massive bush.”).

This cruelty is literally the worst thing one group of people has ever done to another group of people ever. Men are the most oppressed and downtrodden group in history. With but a handful of coloured pills to sustain us, we soldier on in the face of all this feminine brutality.

Now, we men are smart and logical and understand that it isn’t all women who are to blame, #notallwomen; it is that soulless group of shrill vindictive harpy bitches, the feminists.

A feminist can be defined as a women who actually hates penises and therefore hates men. Any woman who does not enjoy seeing any and all penises at any and all times is a feminist. Feminists are misandrists. Misandrists are the OPPOSITE of misogynists which of course no men really are.

Some of the more wounded men may appear on the surface to hate women and to wish them ill but really all these men need is a hug, of a vagina, around their penis.

However, we men are stoic and we do not whine or whinge like you complainy women. We swallow our feelings. That is why I have decided to take one for the team and be a true Sigma Male and forge my own path of explaining this to you lady-people.

STOP HARMING MEN BY HAVING BOUNDARIES, SELF-RESPECT, AND STANDARDS. YOU ARE LITERALLY OPPRESSING US TO DEATH.