I ticked all the boxes in high school. Ironic-but-not-really fascist, incel, anti-LGBT, anti-abortion, pick a reaction, really. Now I’m happily married, father, Kinsey-1, reading theory, with growing class consciousness and looking to build solidarity with those people that a worse version of myself once dismissed as lesser or ungodly. It took leaving home, developing positive and loving male-male friendships, and being told that I was good enough and worth love irrespective of my accomplishments for me to start to develop the capacity to love others in the same way. Those who have traveled a similar path, what did it take for you?
I never held any fascist, incel, anti-LGBT, anti-abortion, or christian views. That’s not to say I was left-wing or had good views, I was just never a right winger. I grew up in a typical, (mostly, we’re all at least partly Inuit, my mom being half, but white passing) white, “middle” class household (my parents divorced when I was 2 and my mom remarried when I was 6, I can’t say if this had any lasting effect on my psyche but I don’t really remember it). My parents were liberals, my (step) dad is protestant Irish from Belfast but he never talked about it or went to church.
Fascism I was just never really exposed to. Incels and abortion were non-issues because, well I’m a woman. As for LGBT, well I was pretty solidly a lesbian, my first kiss was with a girl, my first sexual experimentation was with other girls. My exploration of porn only really looked at women, and I ended up having sex with a few women during high school and college. Of course, I considered myself to be straight up until I was about 24 or 25 even after dating women because compulsory heterosexuality is a hell of a drug. I was never against the LGBT community, though of course I had to go through some self-acceptance and had internalized some homophobia to deal with (and still struggle with).
I think the biggest two things for me were racism and economic issues. I was never a “racist” in the sense of having white pride, of hating or disliking BIPOC, or saying slurs or what have you. So of course, in my sheltered upbringing I considered myself not to be racist. In fact I considered racism to be more or less over besides a vocal minority. I was racist in the sense I didn’t understand my internal biases, I didn’t understand how systemic racism still effected people, I didn’t really challenge racist “jokes.” Learning that racism isn’t just when you say the bad words took me a lot longer, as well as understanding privilege and systemic problems. Youtube really helped open me up to this and put it in perspective. I can’t say I know everything now, but at least I’m not as ignorant as a rock.
Economic issues were simple, I moved out of my parents house. Lol. Turns out I’m a downwardly mobile faildaughter. Then I read some books.
