Comment by UsernameScrubbed29 [she/her]@hexbear.net on He was right

And where is the border? No one explicitly expects women to be a mother figure to them, no one is conscious about it (okay the people who the post is about are and fuck them but i don’t think they are a majority). Most men are happy that they can get rid of the yield of toxic masculinity and be open about their feelings .

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tim [he/him,they/them]@hexbear.net

5 points

3 years ago

I think it’s normal to lean on your partner emotionally and that give and take will build trust over time, but a lot of men are taking a lot more than they’re giving in terms of emotional support because they’ve been coddled for so long. If you never express your feelings you never have to process them, so a lot of guys will learn to talk about their feelings, but they’re about as emotionally intelligent as they were in 6th grade.

There’s plenty of other “mommy-girlfriend” stuff. Like there’s a learned helplessness that a lot of men do where they purposefully don’t try at chores to annoy their partner into doing it for them. Or like they’ll be in their mid 20’s and still not know how to cook, so their partner cooks the majority of the time (I personally washed all the dishes for every meal for years as a trade off for this, but being able to swap jobs sometimes is so much nicer)

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DivineChaos100 [none/use name]@hexbear.net

3 points

3 years ago

Okay that makes it kind of clearer but i think we’re dealing with two issues here.

One is the emotional blindness which most men are conditioned in by patriarchy. When i wanted to talk to my best friend about being autistic he simply laughed it off first. I didn’t really know who to talk to in this case, i’ve been living among dudes since i was 14 so every message i got was that i gotta suppress that shit and so was everyone i lived with. It took years of self reflection for me to wade through all that shit but what started me off was that there was someone i could be open with my feelings about and someone who was willing to “wipe my ass” in that regards.

The other is the physical needs which i don’t even really have a hold of. I haven’t been living at home since i was 14 so i’ve learned to take care of myself in that regard fairly quickly and i didn’t experience in my friend circles that it was so fucked up with other young men or haven’t really thought about it but now that you say it it is indeed a problem.

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UsernameScrubbed29 [she/her]@hexbear.net

11 points

3 years ago

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