Sorry for the vent post just needed to get this off my chest in writing somewhere. Let me know if I need more trigger warnings I don’t want to stir up these emotions in other people.
Ever year its the same shit. Every year I have to drive 15hrs to Texas just to put on a happy face and act like I enjoy being around :grillman: types making the same 5 jokes for 6 hours.
Its just so isolating being around the same family that was responsible for so much trauma in both my mom’s life and mine. I mean my grandparents beat the shit out of all their children and my uncle regularly sat on my chest to strangle me while the rest of my family watched but I’m supposed to act cordially to these people? Nah man don’t act like I’m supposed to like you fuckers.
Starting to think I’ll use an excuse to tell them I wont be coming again, cause this shit is way too mentally draining. I know its family but I genuinely detest being around them. Sometimes I wonder if this is a southern white thing as we have always been such a disconnected family compared to my minority friends who regularly interact and spend time with their family.
Other people feel like this right? The holidays are generally very stressful for other people too right?
Again sorry for the vent its gotta go somewhere though
We’ve been so conditioned to think of a day gluttonously stuffing our faces and then laying semi-comatose on the couch watching football is some kind of magnificent family day. To see nothing of the nationalist myth propaganda about peacefully sharing a meal with the savage Indians who then thanked us.
I used to love it. The big extended family day. The hordes of food, the whole sloth of it - because I’d been trained to think so. But not anymore.
But it’s a relief that the family is spread out enough, or not talking, for years now that I’m not obligated. This year I once again I persevered in not getting us a turkey. Just seems so fucking ethically wrong to be part of such a gratuitous massive slaughter of birds, just so every ‘Murcian can have the National meal. Everything about the gross consumerism and privileged entitlement of the day just doesn’t sit well with me.
Trying to yeah the kids differently. Want them to see another way, to ask questions.
Mostly, to me, it’ll be a day of cooking around the hearth together, not having to rush around, maybe watch a little football as a distraction from this fucked up world, and hopefully see some friends on the weekend.
