this looks like a not-a-real-thing deal or at least a pretty strange edge case, but it does touch on the distorted way self-harm in men gets rebranded as violence or stupidity.

i was reading some article by a social worker working with younger guys at risk and they were talking about the frustration and institutional blind spot extant around boys and men hurting themselves in certain ways. for example, basically no guy thinks punching a stone/brick/block wall or tree trunk is going to destroy the thing. it’s going to cause pain, potentially lasting and disfiguring pain in a sensitive part of the body. but it can be flagged as “aggressive, violent behavior”, despite it’s inward direction, in a way that other self-harm like cutting isn’t, because it is generally regarded as an “acceptable” masculine-associated behavior, due to its evidence-on-the-body being associated with fighting and physical aggression. like a guy with fucked up knuckles and hands/fingers is “manly” or whatever.

anyway, reading that made me start examining or understanding my unease around guys who are doing painful things to themselves. like it’s rarely just being dumb. it’s often some mutilated expression of unprocessed sadness or despair that can’t find its way out directly, so it gets contorted into some absurd humor or head-shake worthy “wtf” move against themselves.

in my own life, i knew this guy who was like mr. chill vibes. at least outwardly. he worked as a line cook, so his hands had tons of little burn scars and shit from work. anyway, his spouse of some number of years that he worked with decided to get with another guy at his work and let him know it was over in let’s say an immature and not gentle way. mr. chill was pretty emotionally devastated and definitely seemed like, in the general evaluation of “my dad could be up your dad” would be able to beat up anybody who wanted it… but instead of yelling or even arguing he just drove his car somewhere alone and like punched his own windshield in some dead mall parking lot a bunch of times and ended up having to go to the ER with a shirt wrapped around his hand because it was a complete mess. this was back in the 90s. that’s probably the most extreme example i can think of in my own life, but i know probably a dozen less intense versions of that story of targeted self-harm in men.