I want that to be a campaign in a Call of Duty-type game. For 90% of it you’re in a gamer cave browsing reddit. Once you get 5000 karma from saying enough slurs, your rage meter maxes out and you reach the gym level behind the gaming chair. Now you have to do four pushups and stretch. After you’re physically fit, there’s a cool maze level where you’ve never left your hometown and now you have to navigate airports. NPCs speak other languages without subtitles and you have to max out your rage meter trying to order McDonalds in Poland. Finally you cross the border and you’re one mission away from the boss, Vladihitler Pussolini himself.

Midway through the scene where you meet another soldier for the first time, a cruise missile hits the barracks and everyone dies. The only actual gun in the entire game belongs to airport security.