I was thinking the other day about how to win people over on this issue. Typically, the only way you break through to someone in an argument is by first ceding some ground to your opponent. In this sort of situation, however, what ground is there to cede? How do you get through a casual transphobe’s initial transphobic reaction and get to the part where you discuss our common fate?
Here’s what I’ve got: I am willing to cede the ground that it’s “a little weird,” given that the other person can admit that there is plenty about themselves that is a little weird, too. And from there, hopefully the conversation can move toward questioning why “weirdness” is considered unacceptable, who enforces this consensus and who benefits.
My worry is all that would do is reinforce the idea that everyone secretly thinks the whole trans thing is kind of weird. I think gender in general is kind of weird, but I’m also autistic so I don’t know if that’s a thought most people can relate to. Any perspective from NT or trans comrades?
“Here’s a simple and SFW way to understand the lgbt perspective” because I swear 90% of the people who ambiently absorb this shit turn out to actually just be dreading when their kid starts asking the sex questions
Well so that’s actually what got me thinking on this subject. I’ve got a neighbor in his mid-twenties who recently lost his job and I’ve been helping him get around while he looks for work. I thought we were becoming buds, but he said some things last night that left me feeling really disheartened - especially coming from someone so young.
He’s got an interview on Friday so I think I’m just going to force a conversation on the subject while I’ve got him trapped in my passenger seat.
Any perspective from NT or trans comrades?
Yeah, anybody who thinks it’s “a little weird” to marry me can eat 10 pounds of my shit and hair.
Agreed, and that’s why I wanted to be mindful of how others might interpret this and what harmful ideas I might be unintentionally reinforcing. I find the concept of gender as a whole pretty alien because I’ve never been able to relate to any gender identity (male, female or other - even the term nonbinary doesn’t feel quite right). It’s a concept that I only really understand in the abstract.
I’ll take your words to heart and write this off as a bad idea. I apologize if my question caused you any distress - I just want to find a way to make people understand that their casual prejudices will lead them straight to their graves.
Nah, it’s fine to ask. I just think it’s better to go and call such assumptions in doubt. Ask questions. “Why is it weird? Ah, so what’s the big deal with that? And that’s a problem why exactly? Sorry, i don’t see it.” And so on. Make them justify themselves, make them play defense. Not in a rude or harsh way, it’s always good when you can talk to people as someone who isn’t directly affected by these things, makes it easier to remain friendly and calm. Meeting them where they’re at doesn’t mean making concessions to them, it means listening and staying level-headed and (i hate to say this) civil. But the stuff they believe to be “normal”, it needs to be denormalized, it needs to be made questionable, you need to show them a principled counterpoint to what normally gets put in front of them and get them thinking instead of just moving along with the program.
