Oh boy
I guess my irl opinion when it comes to marriage is controversial (I believe it hasn’t really been deconstructed since it’s inception and is problematic for a number of reasons), but I’m curious whether anyone shares the same thoughts. Like finding your forever person? 100%
Everything else associated with it like the status symbol, doing it just to do it, inconsistent sharing of responsibilities? No good imo
Could be my autistic brain taking over, but I truly cannot comprehend why something like this needs to be in writing to be “official”
Idk I’m opinionated and sometimes my opinions suck and I need someone to bring me back to reality
Ok I got married about a year ago so I can at least speak to why I made that decision. I agree with you that the institution is problematic, sexist, and backwards – why is a long-term state recognition of my relationship (and all the associated financial benefits) only applicable to a romantic partnership? Why is it normal to get ‘sealed’ to your sex buddy but not your other buddies? I have more forever people than just my husband…
That said, as a woman, marriage made sense mostly because of the social pressure. I was tired of dealing with the questions about my relationship and its legitimacy. Getting married didn’t create legitimacy, but it stopped the questions and the judgement. Did I cave to a bullshit culture that pressures women into marriage? Sure, I guess, but I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this man anyway. It was also easier to get a mortgage, easier to deal with health insurance, etc. I wanted to take steps to ensure that my parents would not be able to make medical decisions for me if I became incapacitated, and it was easier to get married than to go through appointing POA. I like wearing a wedding ring because sometimes being friendly is misconstrued as flirting and it’s easy to get into an awkward situation just by being nice. Also it’s shiny.
Inconsistent sharing of responsibilities – I think you mean that women do more emotional and physical labor associated with housekeeping? We do “each according to their abilities, each according to their needs” in our house. I make more money and pay for more things so he does more of the house stuff. I’m sick a lot and he takes care of me. I don’t know what to say about it other than relationships are always unequal, not just marriages, but that’s normal.
That’s not a super thought out response but that’s what immediately came to mind…
No yeah, extremely valid and makes a ton of sense. I can see how it would be different based on how you identify and overall how you see the world. I get bugged about it from time to time, but it probably comes down to what I value in life tbh
I’ve had a lot of good friends I’ve lost because of marriage and that probably sounds selfish, but I take it as an indicator that my decades of friendship didn’t mean much in the end. Shit sucks
