Iām at a shitty point in my life where Iām just close enough to rock bottom to smell it but far enough that I still have something to lose.
One thing I still have control over is what Iām going to have for lunch. I decided on chicken legs. Iām going to smoke them with Applewood and score the legs so they can hold bbq sauce. Iām going to the store soon but donāt have a favorite sauce, and Iām looking for recommendations. What bbq sauce is best to cook onto the chicken legs?
One thing I learned, is that, most of the time, someone is only out of your league if you believe they are. I donāt know you (beyond our little conversation here) or her (at all), but it sounds like you have a lot to offer. And, no, not giving her everything, but that part shows me that youāre emotionally available, or, at the very least, willing to be. Although, I donāt know if I would recommend dating or pursuing a coworker, as it can lead to some very unpleasant situations.
Another thing Iāve learned, happiness and success are not actually linked to one another. I know several well-off to bumtasticlly rich people who, I think, everyone would categorize as super successful, and they are some of the most unhappy people. I also know rich people who are happy, and poor people who are happy, and poor people who are unhappy. My point is that money and success wonāt make you happy.
Money makes life easier sometimes, but good friends (emphasis on the good), I think, add more happiness than a ton of money.
I think the BetterHelp thing is a wonderful place to start, even if you have to bend the truth a bit to get in. You deserve happiness.
Believe in yourself, and donāt be afraid to be happyāthatās one of the hardest things to do after a stint (no matter how long or short) of depression. Tell yourself every single day that you deserve to be happy and you are going to be happy today. Literally, write it on a stickynote on the mirror āI deserve to be happy, and I will be happy todayā and read it out loud (even as a whisper) every morning. Maybe add a phone reminder to remind you of this fact throughout the day.
I feel like I just donāt know how to impress her. Part of me says I shouldnāt have to try so hard that Iām not acting like myself, and the other part of me says that I need to be an exceptional person to stand out among the other men she might meet.
I think youāre right about money not equaling happiness. I never wanted to be a millionaire, i just want enough to entertain my hobbies occasionally.
As far as it being a bad idea to date a coworker- i know itās not great but I donāt think sheās going to work at my job for much longer. Still Iām aware the consequences of dating a coworker is immediate site reassignment and likely a pay cut. Love isnāt free though.
Yeah, thatās a hard one. On one hand, we always want to be who we think she wants us to be when weāre first dating, but on the other hand, this isnāt sustainable. Eventually, our true selves come out, leading to statements like āyouāre not the man I started datingā or whatnot and it could lead to a breakup. Iām of the belief that if someone doesnāt like me for me, then she doesnāt deserve to have me. That said, however, thereās nothing wrong with having (safe and respectful) fun as we wait for the one.
If the job is temporary and finding another job is relatively easy, the risk is minimal. If the job isnāt temporary, but itās not the career you want, the risk is higher but not high. If the job is in the field you want to career in, the risk is high. Of course, if the consequences of dating a coworker is basically termination, they (your employers) donāt need to know. I think itās unethical to date your subordinate or your supervisor/manager, but I donāt see anything ethically wrong with dating a coworker.
Honestly, dude. We gotta make this life count and, sometimes, that means taking calculated risks (like dating a coworker), and sometimes it means playing it safe (like not risking reassignment). You can conduct a risk analysis (be brutally honest with yourself), and decide if itās worth pursuing. I fell in love with my best friend (stupid move, I know). I sat on it as long as I could. Eventually, I was starting to see the world in unsaturated colors. I did a risk analysis on asking her out with the potential of losing my best friend. I was determined that I wouldnāt allow this to completely destroy our friendship, and finally built the courage to do ask her out. She said no. And it was super awkward for a week or so. But I kept being her friend. She changed her mind to āIāll think about itā. Shoot, Iāll take that! A week or so later we gave it a shot. She fell in love a week after that, and weāve been together since. These things can happen, but theyāre the exception. The thing is, even if we donāt realize weāre doing this, weāre all looking for our One, but are all super cautious of one another, trying our best to guard our hearts. This causes rifts to grow between us, and we go from potential friends to ājust coworkersā. Seriously, I see this going both ways and theyāre both equally plausible, so I truly donāt know which to recommend :( All I can say is to run the risk analysis and determine whether this is a risk youāre willing to take, and I can also say that whichever you do decide, know that I support it and have got your back as best as an internet stranger can.
