I don’t think I’d be able to explain my identity to other people if it wasn’t a gender. I tried understanding it for myself before I knew it was a gender and I missed a lot of important stuff. Knowing it to be a gender helps me understand it from so many more angles to make sense of my own behaviour and feelings in different situations. For example, I used to think I was asexual, and I couldn’t square that with the deeply sexual feelings I had when I mind melded with a swarmmate. It just didn’t make any sense. Then one word suddenly made sense of it all: gay. I’m gay. One word, and suddenly the logic of it all comes into focus. If I can’t understand it without it being a gender, then I doubt anyone else can.