WARNING: SELF PITYING DEPRESSIVE RAMBLING

Thankyou to those who’ve asked after me, I truly appreciate it! Life’s been a bit meh for me lately. I’m still trying to exercise but this last couple of weeks I seem to be skipping every second day. After my birthday I got a bit depressed and annoyed with life. Every year, ever birthday reminds me of how I’ve got less and less time left with my kids, and worrying if I’m giving them all the life skills they’ll need. I’m working so hard and trying to be frugal without being stingy and lecturing everyone in the house about wasting things. I’ve been a real killjoy lately. I’m tired a lot of the time, and apart from commenting on the odd post here and there I’ve refrained from posting daily because mood, menopause, money, and disappointment at myself for failing to exercise daily as I intended. I figured everyone’s going through similar stuff (except maybe the menopause!) so what I’m feeling isn’t special so I haven’t talked about it. It’s been hard to find joy in life at times. I also need to seriously declutter the flat, which I’ve attempted a few times over the last couple of weeks but when I get home it all seems to be still there, plus some more. It just seems to be such an effort to be positive in my life and inspiring for my kids. Christmas is coming, I have an unpaid fortnight off over Christmas & New Year (yay casual work), Elder Minipeeler is attending high school for the first time next year and there are expenses with that… I just don’t know how I’m going to manage it all, everything is getting so expensive. I’m really worried and burying myself in work and getting sick of saying “No we can’t do X on the weekend because I’m worried that if I spend $ on that I won’t have money for the other things.” Mr Peeler is focused on trying to get his disability pension and little else. I guess I have to make more of an effort to appreciate the good things, even though the good things in life don’t seem to outweigh the negatives right now. I occasionally just get sick of having to make the effort and having to force myself to be positive; when it doesn’t come naturally and everything gets me down it’s just a pain in the arse, and so am I. Why does it take so much effort? Keep trying woman! 💪 Thankyou for bearing with me, grumpy old grizzly bear that I am.