“the baron is playing chess; he must be a lazy, shiftless bum”
Two weird things people assume about me often enough that it’s worth mentioning, that is good at chess, cause I’m smart and that I’m Jewish which I think is cause I’m funny and do bring a sort of Larry David vibe to the table. I don’t even know how to play chess, I don’t know what all the pieces do. And my family are Anglican loyalists who moved to Canada and German Midwesterners who went to Canada instead of the midwest.
However me and another guy at work have started a bit where we call random chess moves to each other at work and occasionally say things like ‘ahh! The morrocan gambit, how clever!’ to give customers the impression that we’re super geniuses
Bongcloud
Frenchman’s Cumsock
Monkey Bum
Only one of these is made up and the other two are the names of openings used by grandmasters in FIDE sanctioned events.
But no seriously two of those are real with wiki pages and everything lol
I think we’ll keep going with things that sound like what a 1780s aristocrat might say, anyone who knows chess will catch on to the bit when they notice.were just naming chess pieces and letters and numbers at random. Here’s some others we’ve made up:
The Brussels Wager
The Haliburton Exit (mine, I thought it was clever)
The Barcelona Maneuver
The Antwerp Flank
The Dreaded Parallel Strategem of the Swiss
The Buckaneer Open
The Proto Indo European Midgame Meta
I play chess (badly) and this is hilarious.
Now I want to imagine what the Moroccan gambit would be like
“We need a kid’s spaghetti, a mushroom Alfredo, 1 dine in arancini and some sprouts! Rook 2 to pawn 6!”
“Just swapped the oil so the aranchini is gonna take longer than normal! Knight to bishop 1, checkmate!”
“Just crank the fryer for a bit and it’ll go faster, just remember to turn it down after, and are you sure about that checkmate?”
“Sorry, check”
“That’s fine, it’s a busy night. Speaking of busy knight mine takes your rook!”
We spend like 30 hours a week together and have for 3 years now, we are really good at improv with each other by now
