Comment by SuperZutsuki [they/them]@hexbear.net on Getting matches on dating app Hinge but 98% of people don’t respond to messages

Yeah I know dating apps bad etc

I paid 17 dollars for the week pass allowing me unlimited likes 💀 of course because I’m desperate and they force you into that choice because using it for free you only get 5 free likes a day lmao. The problem is NOBODY fucking responds back to my messages, I’ve had 2 conversations out of 20 matches, one of the convos died after I asked them out, the other convo just ended abruptly for no apparent reason. It’s really demoralizing to say the least but I just don’t understand, if they don’t like me and accidentally sent a like they should just unmatch right away but they don’t.

The future is grim. How does anyone meet anyone anymore?

What are your hobbies? There is almost certainly a group that meets regularly to do something you like

Go to play/kink parties. Start with a munch (casual social for kinksters) to dip your toes in. There’s for sure tons in NYC. Depending on which ones you go to, you can also find ones with lots of queers, trans people, NDs, etc.

You can also try to find ones that fit your gender or racial identity though those are a bit harder

i’ve heard about these and i’m interested. i’m not in the US but i am in a very large city, so they presumably exist, but i’ve no clue how to find one - fetlife was my only lead and that appears to be kind of dead. i picked up a flyer for a regularly scheduled kink party at pride, but that seems to be pretty intense and have a very high bar of entry (expensive elaborate dress code)

if i can find them, would it be weird to go to one of those as a virgin? i don’t really know what i’m looking for or how to talk about some of these things 🙃 would it be safe to go alone as a visibly afab person?

I’m not into my scene, just been to a few and know friends who go a lot. You should def try to find fem parties, they exist where I am. Also, just coincidence but I went to a queer POC one and most people there were AFAB surprisingly. But the hosts were also mostly AFAB and it was largely private invite only

A lot of play parties are kinda private though since it needs to be a safe environment so you kinda just have to try and meet people in the scene. I didn’t try to look for any but because I gravitate to people/spaces with lots of queers, drugs, art, and neurodivergence, there was a lot of overlap with kinksters

I don’t think it’d be weird to go to one as a virgin. Actual penetrative sex and even oral sex in my area at least is rare since kink/play is much more expressive and varied than typical sex acts

Their might just be a dialectical relationship between your hobby and lack of friends there comrade.

I’m looking into bouldering again but it’s having to commit to paying 130 a month which is a lot of money.

Yeah, there’s no damn third spaces anywhere anymore. But for your health and well-being, that $130 a month might be well worth it.

I remember watching a short documentary on outdoor bouldering in NYC. I don’t remember which park but there was something to climb somewhere and the community was really cool.

I been doing that although I pay less. I gotta say I’ve met a lot of people that way at least In the gym, haven’t really met up with them outside of it but I’m always talking to people and and meeting people there

I gotta say I’ve met a lot of people that way at least In the gym

My gym seems to be a completely non-social place. I’ve been going like 3-6 times a week for nearly 2 years and not one person has tried to strike up a conversation with me.

It sucks because it’s like the one public place other than grocery shopping that I go regularly, is fun to go to, etc. But it seems either nobody goes there to socialize or I’m too unattractive for anyone to talk to me.

Climbing gym or regular gym? Bouldering -> very social. Any other gym -> least social thing ever.

If you’ re bouldering it’s so easy to strike up conversation with people who are working on the same problems as you.

Separately I can’t really comment on how you look obviously. I do however think that like, pretty much everyone benefits from trying to dress well in clothes that fit you, keep your hair well kept, trim nails, etc. I see your pronouns so like, I also think, as a woman, looks are less important than general vibe and confidence. Being confident is important. I care more about how a man makes me feel than how they look

Banned? DM Wmill to appeal.

No anti-nautilism posts. See: Eco-fascism Primer

Gossip posts go in c/gossip. Don’t post low-hanging fruit here after it gets removed from c/gossip

Getting matches on dating app Hinge but 98% of people don’t respond to messages(hexbear.net)

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