I was in college when 9/11 happened. A pretty shocking day all around but I had one experience that has stuck with me ever since. Just anecdotal and probably means nothing… but later in the day I went with a friend of mine into town to pick up some t-shirts for a school event. We were talking about it all when my friend said:

“It’s kinda weird but, I actually want the death toll to be higher”

For context, to this day my friend is one of the most ethical, good-hearted people I know. He’s also fairly non-political and definitely isn’t a “death to America” type. What he was telling me was a confession. He knew he wasn’t supposed to think like that, but his brain couldn’t help it.

And when I think back to the day it happened and shortly after when the death toll numbers were flying around… I feel like a lot of people felt like this but wouldn’t dream of verbalizing it. I think A LOT of Americans wanted to see a huge death toll and ultimately were a bit disappointed at the final numbers.

What this says about Americans if true… I don’t know. Maybe nothing. But it seems meaningful to me somehow and I’ve never quite parsed out what that meaning is.