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Since they jumped so quickly to an emotional response like “Oh we should just split up then?” it seems pretty clear that the issue is not really that they think any weight can be healthy. They might instead be really insecure about the weight gain and worry that you will leave them. I think it would be productive to address their feelings instead of the health issue itself - let them know that you still love them, even if they stay at this weight and don’t feel ready to make any changes. I completely understand your desire to see your SO healthy as well, but it seems that they can’t take that pressure and will need to get to that place on their own. It will raise difficult feelings and questions for them either way when you start changing your habits.
“It will raise difficult feelings and questions for them either way when you start changing your habits.”
this is essentially the only path forward i have. but i feel restricted doing it alone because i’m afraid of how those difficult feeling and questions will manifest (resentment, jealousy) if i do clean up and get in good shape. plus they never prepare their own meals so it’s even more challenging to cook separate meals (they dont like a lot of healthier foods i make) i can’t let that get in the way of me doing what i need to do for myself, but trying to appease or convince hast not been working.
