Abridged version is that I was an unemployed failson for years who was always told how far I’d go growing up, and hit the wall very quickly, partly as a result of undiagnosed ADHD. This resulted in a lot of internalized self-loathing, and I danced dangerously close to the contemporary equivalent of inceldom (and might have gone over had the movement started a few years earlier). I eventually began turning my perceptions around as a result of my diagnosis, learning socialist and feminist/gender theory, and a few patient and understanding friends. Then a long-time friend on whom I’d been crushing for years expressed her interest in me (she’d been seeing someone else for years at that point so I never considered her an option), and already knew me well enough to get over the initial awkwardness (penis goes where?). Things worked out and continue to work out well between us to this day. Also she’s a former activist who burned out, but says that my talk of theory has revived her interest, whereas I’ve always been too anxious to go out and DO anything but have an easier time with company.

So, a combination of upper-middle-class cishet white male privilege, combined with both auspicious circumstances, and an ability to recognize them when they happened. Hardly universal but I hope it’s a bit inspiring.