Our capitalist society places huge emphasis on heterosexual monogamous relationships because they’re the most essential for the reproduction of labor power and as a result it’s become increasingly hard to find the sorts of social support and validation that used to come from having a bunch of different kind of relationships and living in a community.

One thing that can help with that feeling can be trying to find something to do that doesn’t put romance front and center - community band or choir, trail work parties, community gardens, dancing or fitness, sports teams, etc. Having a shared goal can reduce feelings of isolation.

I’d suggest finding a best girl buddy to hang out with. From your very brief question it sounds like you might not be interested in sex or romance. A lot of a relationship, outside the sex and the roses, is having a buddy you can be emotionally intimate and vulnerable with, who you can trust to give you advice on difficult issues, who you can just talk to when you’re having a rough time. And, very importantly, the opposite; Someone who will give you the gift and the duty of trusting you, relying on you, leaning on you when they’re in need.

All that said, if you just want to chill and do your own thing, society being jerks aside, there’s no shame in it. Lots of people choose not to date or having romantic or sexual relationships. It’s not appreciated as much in society, but throughout history and across cultures countless people have done it in countless ways. From religious mendicants to European women who chose not to marry to protect their rights and finances from the brutal misogynistic laws of the day, to ace/aro people who aren’t interested, to scientists and philosophers who just didn’t have the time, to people who just aren’t feeling it. If anyone gives you guff there’s lots of modern self help language you can use to explain yourself. Try throwing out “I’m focusing on myself” or “I’m dating myself” to quickly explain your position.

Oh, also - If you’r wobbly friends ask, stare them right in the eyes, deadpan “I am married to the cause”, and start singing wobbly songs at them. For the memes.

Find things you enjoy doing to avoid that sense of loser-dom. Seek a balance between things you can do on your own that make you feel better about yourself and communal-type activities like @BodyBySisyphus@hexbear.net mentioned.

Solitary hobbies could be getting into reading, crafts, cooking, gardening, the gym etc. There are even hexbear comms for these! and then integrating that interest into some IRL group activity. I’m not going to guarantee you’ll find a girlfriend, but at least you’ll have some interests you can talk about when you meet someone.

I haven’t been on “the apps” in many years, but I’ve heard they’ve gotten worse for everyone involved. So, proceed with caution.

Had the same feelings before I realized I was ace.

If you feel like a loser now, getting a gf won’t change that feeling, trust me. Focus on yourself, doing something that gives you a feeling of progress, purpose, and/or joy (for me it was EOOD but it could be anything for you).

If you do that, you’re guaranteed to get some kind of progress on that feeling you have of being a loser which people can sense (you’re wrong btw, you’re beautiful) and instead start exuding a bit of confidence.

Confidence is extremely attractive, and you want to have a relationship based on your confident self anyway, not one where your self-worth is based upon your being “with someone”.

Just my experience.