My father, who convinced me (16 m) at the time to move in with him instead of my mother when they moved. All 3 of the other siblings stayed with my mother. He then kicked me out the week I turned 18, a week into my senior year. Since then he stays in touch only to speak with his grandchildren (now going on 4 kids). I have never been anything but opportunistic and positive in our interactions. Regardless he still acts like I am a burden to talk too. Am now 37, and finally getting to the point I should accept it. I’m the complete opposite with my own children and can’t comprehend how someone could treat their child like this. How do I cope? It eats at me. I will answer any questions in depth if it will help in understanding the situation.
I’m sorry you are going through this. I haven’t had any experience like this besides having an alcoholic sister.
But I’d just suggest that you need to try to come to terms with the fact that your pop seems like an asshole. This is all speculation. I bet he convinced you to stay with him as a way to hurt your mom. You as a person were not important to him, but he wanted to use you. So when you turned 18, he didn’t want to deal with you anymore because it cost him more than he got out of it.
You can’t do anything to change him, you can just work on you. For me with my sister, I just sort of accepted that she is who she is and I’ll never have the relationship I wanted with her. I don’t go out my way to avoid her, but I certainly don’t really ever try to interact with her. It has worked, but the relationship between siblings is less important I think than a parent child relationship.
Maybe therapy could help? Or read up on narcissistic personality disorder and see if that fits your dad.
I called my father a removed last weekend cause he talks to me like disrespectful nutjob. I’m 34 and work for him. Never work with assholes. Especially family.
I’m too scared to have children cause they’ll end up like either him or myself.
Sorry have to go through that.
You won’t get justice or change anything about how the guy acts so you have to make changes yourself that you can control. Let yourself be free of needing his approval and attention. You deserve respect at least as much as you’d expect from any other person, being family doesn’t absolve them of it. If he won’t be respectful, then stop calling him, let his calls go to voice mail, stop seeing him and fill your time with people who are respectful. You can’t change him but you don’t have to put up with it either.
Seconding the therapy suggestion.
As a father of 2 kids you need to know that you owe him nothing. Just because he is your parent doesn’t mean anything.
Instead of thinking of him as your father think of him as a friend. And would you keep a friend like that in your life. If possible go 100% non contact and don’t ever worry about him again.
