Capitalism and ecological collapse have drained me of hope and the temptation to do something rash like bin my career and go live in a redwood to protect it from logging is growing.
The current state of affairs for me is unsustainable. I cannot continue to work a desk job for the next few decades, it will simply kill me, or kill my soul. But I have a family depending on me, so I must.
My emotions are not blunted, I am still (rarely) capable of feeling true joy and happiness, but I still can’t shake the malaise that comes with, you know, all of this. I feel like you’d have to be sick to NOT be miserable. Or just woefully ignorant. In other words, the way I am feeling is bad, but it’s natural, and most importantly it’s right
This is going to seem really fucking weird but I am scared to seek treatment for what’s obviously not a healthy state of affairs because I’m afraid it will make me okay with all of this. This is not okay. Nobody should feel okay. At the same time spending hours navigating the internet instead of doing my job can’t last either, so something has to be done.
Will treatment change who I am or just take the edge off?
Wanted to brain dump here to see if other folks have navigated this decision tree and maybe see if anyone has testimonials.
Maybe I just need to log off for a while.