My coworker was telling me how well Jerry Maguire stands up today and I forced myself to remember the major beats of that piece of shit:
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Big company bad and evil; small start up good and pure.
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Being principled always pays off in the end.
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Everyone can make it if they try hard, believe in themselves, and believe in each other.
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We can have perfect interpersonal relations if we just learn to balance work and life appropriately, and it’s up to us to accept that challenge.
Fuck this movie. More importantly fuck people who like this movie. Jerry would have turned out just like his old firm buddies (even if the major plot points largely stay the same). Everyone in this movie is actively trying to exploit each other in the beginning. And even though it’s totally inconsequential to how bad these people are in their shitty lives, if you ask me the most unbelievable part is when Jerry and Bridget Jones get back together at the end.
Not buying it.
Tell me about the shitty liberal movies that are renting space in your head.
Pretty much anything Pixar puts out anymore. The movies are so tailored to appease and provoke the critical studies grads that pen the inevitable think pieces about the politics or moral questions raised by this or that property. But the morals and the politics can never be really good, because disney can’t make that kind of movie. One that tells the kids how it really is and how this story is brought to you by a market actor that is using this movie as an ad for their endless product lines, seeking to instill brand recognition at critical years of development to shape the nostalgia-trapped consumers of tomorrow. Endlessly rehashing the same shit like a closed circuit human centipede of ideological filth doomed to the myopia of eating and shitting the same old eaten shit waste. Knowing that Disney or Pixar are making angles on the minds and imaginations of your kids on the one hand, but then getting conned into validating the shit they spew out as having nuance and being deserving of a critical reading on the level at which it is pandering to be read is the height of annoying liberal shit. It’s like billion dollar shit posting when they craft these scripts with small moments intended to stir up controversy and discussion and the reply guy film critics duly oblige in a feedback loop increasingly amplifying into a pure tone of mediocrity.
I know this always makes the list in these types of posts but a couple of my nerd friends that I used to play WoW with were super enthusiastic about Ready Player One and had both read the book. The book at least showed what a hellscape the future is going to look like with people eating gruel as the mega corporation tries to vacuum up as much Capitol as possible. The movie threw even that fairly lukewarm imagery out the window and shows people getting pizza delivered by a drone. Then it all gets thrown out the window when they win the prize money and the protagonist gets a cute girlfriend.
All of them, especially the military ones
Forest Gump
I’m ok with Forest Gump, ban me idgaf. No I don’t think boomers should be allowed to watch it. I like how the movie turned out balanced. I can’t think of a movie that can commit to the tones Forest Gump does with the acts feeling like they belong in the same movie. Doc Brown bled out alone that night while Marty McFly saved himself. They COULD have devoted an act to grieving and guilt but that’d break the tone of the movie.
Iron Man. The basic thesis of the first Iron Man is that billionaires will save us, everyone else is incapable or too evil to wield power. Let private individuals with lots of money solve problems.
