It’s gonna be awful. Two mumbling old men who’s brains have melted yelling at each other. Maga will say Trump won. BlueMaga will say Biden won. The rest of us look on in horror that these 2 decrepit husks are somehow the best this system could muster up. And I become fully
The real horror will be watching all the propagandists asking each other stuff like “When the US needs to launch the nukes at China, will Biden be too impotent to do it?”, “Americans don’t want to see us capitulate to Russia, will Biden’s arms deals to Ukraine be what wins him the nomination?”, “Americans want Israel to teach the terrorists a lesson, but Biden said that Palestinians are human, will that become a problem for him?”, “Trump’s competent and actionable plan to use illegal migrant criminals as animal feed may prove to be more appealing to voters than Biden’s limp-dick work camps”, “both candidates seemed to put forth strong proposals for dealing with the excess homeless, lets discuss their plans”.
it won’t even be funny
Kind of obvious but probably the most heated back-and-forth will be when they’re arguing over who loves Israel more and who will do more to ensure Israel can continue their genocide.
“No one is a bigger lover of Israel. I have been a Zionist for decades—”
“Excuse me, excuse me. Who’s daughter is Jewish? Biden? No - Trump. Who—”
A moderator jumps in: “President Trump - again we implore—”
“No. Biden liar. And wrong-wrong-wrong. Who moved the embassy to Jerusalem? Biden? No - Trump. Who—”
“Hey! Who do I gotta beat in a one-armed wrestling pushup contest to get a word in? The Orange Guy keeps interrupting me!”
Biden will talk about a bunch of bad things he did as if they’re good things and Trump will say they’re bad things but for the wrong reasons
And pundits will say Trump made Biden look bad for it, but maybe the objectively good things Trump did will really cost him. Furthermore, maybe the objectively good things Biden did will cancel that out. Ultimately, it’s up to voters to decide which candidate is more satanic, and mark them on the ballot!
100% chance both will say extremely racist things about Palestinians, migrants, Chinese people and Iranians
40% chance at least one of them will say something condescending and paternalistic about black people
50% chance Trump will bring up culture war nonsense like DEI
75% chance Biden will openly bash left liberals in an attempt to counter Trump’s “out of touch with whi- Heartland” comments
30% chance Biden will say something fucked up about abortion
50% chance Trump will say something half way decent about abortion
95% chance Biden downplays inflation
Biden’s a catholic who a few months ago brought up his opposition to what he called “abortion on demand”, aside from that disgusting remark it’s been radio silence on the topic
Trump is a yuppie misogynist whose opinions on abortion most likely shift depending on his mood and whether it benefits him personally, but he’s a canny political actor, so he may have clocked on to the fact abortion bans are genuinely hurting republican chances with white women
