Caffeine must be one of, if not the, most used drug. It is vital to the operation of more or less every industry.

100 points
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Pharma companies would already have a caffeine equivalent that would be only slightly different in structure so it would circumvent the law. It would then be sold at exorbitant prices and people would still pay even with the side effect of sometimes you eat someone’s face. Of course they would then sell you something else to stop the side effects. You would also have the caffeine purists who would start their own speak easies and organized crime. People “abiding by the law” would start calling the purist, plants, since that is where caffeine is coming from, while the synthetic caffeine users would be called zombies for the obvious face eating reasons. This whole thing would cause even greater divides between already split countries leading to all out war. WWIII plants vs zombies.

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22 points

This comment was amazing to come across and I look forward to the film adaptation.

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10 points

Haha thanks. Wrote it drinking my morning cup of coffee.

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1 point

Thanks, the punchline was worth it.

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50 points

I think once upon a time alcohol was illegal somewhere? That’s what would happen. And I’d totally join a mafia

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16 points
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3 points

It is definitely not the right answer.

I can make wine, to prevent me from making wine you’d have to make literally every fruit illegal, and even then there are millions of wild apple trees in my country that you’d have to cut down. It’s impossible to prevent people from making alcohol.

In contrast to that, you can’t grow anything that produces caffeine in my country. I’d have to import it, and checking mail in customs is a hell of a lot easier than checking the vast areas of empty forest to see if I’m illegally growing apples.

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27 points

Pretty much the same as with every illegal product. It would move to black market because as long as there is demand there will always be a supply.

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21 points

I can’t imagine some shady guy in a street corner saying “I’ve got the stuff” and it’s just fucking coffee beans 💀

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11 points

Right?! That’s almost as crazy as some shady guy selling a plant.

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4 points

I agree lol.

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17 points

It’s a part of so much natural food it’d be impossible to ban

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