Hey everyone kindof a loser here. I’m in my late 20s and I’ve only ever worked as a dishwasher and in the years 2018 and 2019 I hardly worked more than 4 or 5 months. When covid hit I was really nervous about leaving my house but now months later if I don’t leave my house I’m going to blow my brains out, fortunately I have $0 in my bank account so I can’t afford a gun. Wondering if anyone has advice, on job hunting that is not suicide, I think I can manage that by myself
My advice for applying for jobs is don’t be afraid to outright lie about your skills if you think you can get away with it. I mean this. I’ve gotten my best jobs by lying through my teeth. Obviously don’t lie about being a surgeon if you are not but definitely lie about having years of experience with software you’ve maybe worked with for 5 minutes once in your life. That kind of shit.
I got my current job this way. I’ve operated an excavator for maybe a total of 50 hours, but lied and said I did it all the time at my last job, done precision work, etc. now I’m making pretty damn good money, with okay benefits. And it’s not that hard.
Try to get an office job. You can start out in the mailroom or as a receptionist. People can get those jobs without ever having worked in an office.
Ignore the job requirements that they post. No one who’s ever been hired has actually met all of them. You can get hired without meeting any of them. If a receptionist job is asking for a degree and 5 years of experience, that’s bullshit, and the people who are doing the hiring know it. They’ll prefer someone who has those things, but they won’t turn away someone who doesn’t (unless they don’t like you and need an excuse not to hire you).
If you need references, fake them. Get a family member or friend to lie on the phone for you. If you don’t have anyone who would do that, someone here might offer to do it for you if you make a thread about it. Brett from Street Fight Radio does it for listeners if they ask him.
When you’re making up a reference, though, don’t make it for the same job as the one you’re trying to get unless you’ve done it before. For example, if you’re applying to work in a mail room, you could say that you used to be a file clerk. If you’re applying to be a receptionist, say that you were a tutor. Something where you can’t transfer any specific knowledge to the new job, but where they’d be like “this sounds like an alright person for the job”.
Ignore the job requirements that they post. No one who’s ever been hired has actually met all of them. You can get hired without meeting any of them.
The one exception is public sector jobs. State and Federal government, especially – if they say they want an Associate’s or a Bachelor’s and you don’t have it, your application gets rejected outright. If they say “or equivalent experience,” that’s another story, but for the most part, they are hard-asses about that if you’re surfing your state’s job board site or usajobs.gov. With municipal and county stuff, it can vary depending on the area. But with private sector postings? Fuck it, go ham.
Edit: Also! If you’re going to submit a resume for a Federal job, make goddamned sure you match the keywords from the job posting. They use a keyword scanning service that ranks you based on relevancy, not unlike Google or a word cloud generator. The higher your match percentage, the closer you are to the top of the pile for interviews.
Just make a fake CV bro no one checks that shit. Get a job as manager of Starbucks or some bullshit, just sit in the office and occasionally ask someone to put out more coffee stirrers.
