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I did something which went against my personal morals and has haunted me ever since. How do I move on?

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fuckinlib [comrade/them]@hexbear.net
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Hi comrades, this is a long one so I hope you can bear with me.

Last summer, I moved into a new house and we had a party to mark the start of the year. One of my housemates invited their friends, including this one girl I’ll call Jess. Jess was very interested in me from the moment we met, and stuck with me pretty much the entire night. We bonded over shared music interests and we were surprisingly open with each other. She had a boyfriend, so as far as I was aware, she was just being friendly. We were drinking, doing all kinds of drugs, and basically getting more fucked up than I ever have before. We eventually went out to a bar to carry on drinking, but Jess and I quickly decided we couldn’t be bothered to stay out, so we headed home. I’m a little blurry on the details of what happened next, but essentially we went back home to listen to some records. The next thing I remember is making out with her and we were about to have sex, when one of her friends walked in and broke us up. I was so fucked up I barely understood what was going on, and I think her friends recognized this, which probably explains why I didn’t get the shit beat out of me. Obviously the news spread since her friend saw, and when I’d sobered up the following day, I realized what a fucking disgusting thing I had done. Since then, I have avoided Jess, and felt absolutely ashamed whenever I remember the situation. No one I lived with that year held it against me, and wrote it off as a drunken, drugged-up mistake.

However, as I said, I am still deeply ashamed. This is one of the worst things I have ever done and I feel like I have lost the respect of my friends. It violated the standards of my personal morality, which is a huge deal for me. Since then, I have given up drinking, smoking and drugs in an attempt to prevent a repeat of this kind of thing, as well as for other personal reasons.

TL;DR: I nearly had sex while drunk with a friend of a friend who already had a boyfriend. The memory of this is eating me up inside, and I can’t get over it. I need to talk to someone about this. I know it’s almost certainly wrong to talk to Jess about this. How can I move on?

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