Boyfriend of 2 years (best friend of 6) just told me he’s started seeing someone else. No discussion. Just ghosted me for a week and hit me with this news. Thought he was my soulmate, lmao. I feel like someone just ripped out my insides. Just turned 31 this year, this shit is not any easier than when I was a teenager.
How did you make it through that first night? The second? The third? Is it really just time? I feel like my body is too old to survive another heartbreak.
My little piece of advice: you don’t have to think about the future, tomorrow, next week, they are all far off. Think about now, this hour, the next 5 minutes, or whatever stretch of time seems manageable. What do you do now? Cook dinner? Watch a show? Cry in the shower? The future might be scary and too much to manage now. You’ll handle it when you get to it. Now, you only have to think about right now.
Verbena tea is calming and soothing. Lavender is relaxing. Green tea for me is a calming ritual.
You got this. Maybe it doesn’t feel like it, but you only need to do one step, and you got that one step.
I don’t think there’s magic one size fits all answer to this, it really sucks you have to deal with it. Avoid destructive behaviours like drinking until you pass out etc, they won’t help in the long term. Do you have any friends IRL you can call on?
Soulmate is a fabrication. You find someone you like that likes you. You can tolerate their downsides and they can tolerate yours. GGG in the sack. Willing to work things out. There is no such thing as the perfect match but there are lots of people out there that will sit pretty high on your list. When you find one of them give it a go, hope it will work out, but it won’t always go the way you want. Eventually it will stick or it won’t, either way you’ve had a good time of it and start the next part of your adventure.
I’ve tried many things in this situations (seeing other girls, distracting with alcohol/drugs, etc) but they all just seem to alleviate the pain when they just throw it under the rug for a while.
For me, the best way to handle this has been to face my pain altogether. This pain does not come from this event. It is my own ancient pain that has been triggered by my now ex. Staying with the pain, listening to it, feeling it in your body and letting it be there is a transformative act.
I recommend listening to Pema Chödron’s videos or books. Maybe “When things fall apart”. I personally have been helped a lot by doing the “tonglen” meditation.
Scientifically speaking, yes, it takes time for your body to rebalance your hormones that love inbalanced, and messed up. Good news, it won’t take so long.
