I stand up, I look out my window at the big city. I think ‘how is any of this real, and why do I have to age and eventually die?’
I wake up in the morning in my weird little flat. I wonder to myself, ‘so this is it, huh? I just do this until my body fails?’
I cook myself a meal. I find out how a museum works behind the scenes. I get a tour of an office. I see my friends go out. I book a movie ticket. I work out. I watch a comedian. I listen to a podcast. All of these things just make me ponder what the point of it all is. Am I doing it wrong? Am I doing it pretty well? Why should I accumulate all this knowledge if I’m just going to die? What’s the point in watching my stupid obscure movies that I can’t even talk to people about? Am I missing out on the human experience?
Realistically I’m a happy ape. All my needs are satisfied. But I am a sad human.
I think it’s all linked to graduating. The pressures on to do well, the workload is racking up, and then once that’s all done I just get thrown into the real world. That’s it. Then it truly is just doing the same thing over and over. Then it really is a question of survival. Would it be better to just be a dumb neolithic huntsman who is grateful for his bed of fur in his cave? What the fuck did those guys even think of when they took psychedelics? Well, spirits, I know, but wow, the things in their head must’ve been so original. If I do them, most of my thoughts are just about the garbage I’ve watched, and my modern worries that are worrisome but relatively tame.
Is this just a normal thing to go through, and then you get on with it and accept that this is just how things are?
Maybe life is simply starting to get to me, and time will tell if I crack under pressure.
In case you’ve forgotten, here’s how things work: I order the food, you cook the food, then the customer gets the food. We do that for 40 years, and then we die
I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:
Damn, do these sentiments echo with me. The top few stages of the hierarchy of needs seem to keep being unmet no matter what I throw at them. On top of being extremely unfulfilled with my work and hobbies, I’m also thoroughly alienated from everyone around me due to a combination of early-life ostracisation and mild agoraphobia. I’m starting to feel I’m skilled enough to identify what’s wrong with me (and the world to some extent), but not enough to actually change things.
Hahaha, well I can’t help, but I wonder if you also feel the same as me that:
The more left wing I become, the more I feel alienated. The less I am able to enjoy the things that most people around me enjoy and talk about. And yet, I can’t unlearn my leftism, nor can I stop myself become more and more left wing now that I have the left wing framework to analyse life with.
Yeah, most def. I find myself unable to consume most english-language content because of how deeply they are intertwined with the ideological underpinnings of Empire and capitalism. This, in turn, means that I have no capacity to contribute in conversations surrounding media consumption, alienating me even further
I think David Byrne said it best when he said
And you may ask yourself, “Well, how did I get here?”
talking to my parents and grandparents has made me realize how profoundly boring modern life is. my granddad can talk for hours about his life and the things he did when he was my age and all i’ll have for my kids is “uhh i posted on a communist forum and looked at tiktoks.”
the best thing you can do is get offline and talk to people
Same, I guess, but the way they lived just doesn’t exist in the same way anymore. You could go to another country, pick up a job, and realistically imagining owning a home. On their holidays there’s all of these amazing cultural experiences and an authentic world much more untouched by the filthy grip of neoliberalism.
Nowadays I go out and try to experience the world. I don’t have the money to go on holiday, so I’m restricted to my city. The fun stuff my parents and grandparents speak of - going out, popping songs on the jukebox, having a real dance, all of your friends are there - well, I’ve tried it many times. Mostly it’s expensive and unsatisfying. People barely even dance anymore. A drink at a club will set you back half your nights budget. All the songs are algorithm created shite (and I’m not some modern music hater, I love the stuff, but ‘pop’ is in an absolutely dire state - thanks capitalism) and whatever songs tiktok has made popular. You can get a big night out of friends, but these clubs and pubs don’t feel like hubs of community, just modes of extraction. Sometimes you find a niche little bar that’s fun to go to, and then someone posts it online and the entry price goes up and it becomes full of hipster nauses.
So I’d rather just stay at home, work out to keep my body healthy, cook a nice meal and enjoy my creature comforts.
I know it looks like one dude spends his entire life wishing for a revolution that never happens, but for me it shows (or should show) a bunch of different people who are all thinking the same thing—as in, everyone these days is desperate for revolution. I didn’t mean for it to be a doomer meme.
