KarlMarxOfLove [love/loves]

I might. Would probably be with a different account so I don’t confuse people hah

Yeah, absolutely. If I didn’t think the labor I was performing had any value, then I wouldn’t be doing this. Definitely biased hah

Asking about others and being genuinely curious about their lives is a great way to build your conversational skills.

People absolutely love talking about themselves and most of the time that alone can keep a convo going.

It shouldn’t be a big deal. There’s two paths you can go with:

1. Disclose to a partner after you’ve been on a couple dates and have already gotten somewhat physical. They will be probably be supportive, but might be intimidated.

2. Hook up with someone randomly and don’t tell them it’s your first time. This is what I did personally in my late teens and it worked well.

is it a red flag

Not necessarily, but it will be something a partner is curious about if you disclose. Be ready to communicate about it non-defensively and set the tone.

Ultimately, virginity is a sexist social construct and not something that really exists. I realize you probably know that, but you also know you still have those brain worms. That’s great and shows a lot of self awarness.

Oh, got it. Yeah, in that case, knock yourself out.

Any advice

Yup. I’ve had a number of clients with ADHD. Apply the learning patterns you’ve picked up for developing social skills to flirting as well. This means you’ll have trial and error as you figure it out. That’s completely fine, everyone else did too, they just might have learned this a little earlier. Have self compassion while you do this and try to have fun with it.

I’m in my early twenties and have zero relationship experience

Everyone is on their own path. I know it’s easier said than done, but don’t worry about that lack of experience. I’ve worked with some clients who were literally in their 40’s and had basically zero experience. Never too late to start.

any problems you know of when it comes to dating that are uniquely applicable to people with ADHD?

Stay in the present and make sure you’re actively listening. Don’t use your ADHD as an excuse for poor behavior, but also be comfortable laughing about it if you space out or something. RSD can also be a struggle sometimes for folks, so work on learning to handle that in general and you’ll be able to apply those skills in a dating scenario. If your ADHD is severe enough you have trouble connecting with Neurotypical people, start looking to date others who are ND and will get where you’re coming from.

No, you shouldn’t be with them in the first place.

My theory is because I hold no expectations with anyone I meet

:10000-com: % this. You’re not putting any expectations on yourself or others. Zero stakes = you’re relaxed and having a good time, which means everyone else probably will be too. A lot of flirting is just not giving a shit (within reason) while working in an occasional compliment once you see you’re hitting it off.

Yeah sure, it’s okay.

They’re people just like you, so try not to overthink it.

This can take practice, so what I often suggest to clients is jumping on a dating app and just going for it on repeat. If you’re nervous, get the feeling of rejection out of the way on your terms by intentionally failing in a way that’s not malicious. Easy way is knock knock jokes / dad jokes. More people are receptive to those than you’d think though.

This is something you’re probably not gonna be good at right way, and that’s completely okay. No one gets good at flirting overnight. Just have fun on the journey and be kind to yourself.

Another trick that’s incredibly gross, but actually helps people: If you have problems over-idealizing people, visualize the person taking a huge shit and vomiting. I realize this sounds incredibly fucked up, but it’s jarring enough that it can bring you back to reality quick. Also do not mention that you are doing this to the other person. I had one client who did and that date predictably ended very early.