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ultraviolet [she/her]@hexbear.net
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I don’t see myself as a person anymore. Every time I look in the mirror, I don’t see me, when I imagine other people interacting with me it’s like imagining them interacting with a stranger.

-This sounds a lot like depersonalization. I can relate to this heavily since it felt like I was on autopilot for most of my life and I never felt like I was really me if that makes any sense.

-What you’re describing in the first two paragraphs is unfortunately true for many men these days. The increasingly hyper-individualistic shit that society pushes harms the relationships between people and it affect men much more than women.

-The parts where you’re talking about being jealous of women does is a very common experience trans women or trans femmes go through. It doesn’t mean you’re trans but that could be something worth thinking about. I pretty much felt the same way before discovering I was a trans woman.

-I’m really sorry you experienced emotionally abusive relationships and sexual assault. Nobody deserves any of that and it seriously fucks with how you view people. :meow-hug:

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A space for masculine folks to talk about living under patriarchy.

Detoxing masculinity since 1990!

You don’t get points for feminism, feminism is expected.

Guidelines:

  1. Questions over blame
  2. Humility over pride
  3. Wisdom over dogma
  4. Actions over image

Rules (expansions on the guidelines):

  1. Mistakes should be learning experiences when possible.
    • Do not attack comrades displaying vulnerability for what they acknowledge are mistakes.
    • If you see good-faith behavior that’s toxic, do your best to explain why it’s toxic.
    • If you don’t have the energy to engage, report and move on.
    • This includes past mistakes. If you’ve overcome extreme reactionary behavior, we’d love to know how.
    • A widened range of acceptable discussion means a greater need for sensitivity and patience for your comrades.
    • Examples:
      • “This is reactionary. Here’s why.”
      • “I know that {reality}, but I feel like {toxicity}”
      • “I don’t understand why this is reactionary, but it feels like it {spoilered details}”
  2. You are not entitled to the emotional labor of others.
    • Constantly info-dumping and letting us sort through your psyche is not healthy for any of us.
    • If you feel a criticism of you is unfair, do not lash out.
    • If you can’t engage self-critically, delete your post.
    • If you don’t know how to phrase why it’s unfair, say so.
  3. No singular masculine ideal.
    • This includes promoting gender-neutral traits like “courage” or “integrity” as “manly”.
    • Suggestions for an individual to replace a toxic ideal is fine.
    • Don’t reinforce the idea the fulfillment requires masculinity.
    • This also includes tendency struggle-sessions.
  4. No lifestyle content.
    • Post the picture of your new grill in !food (feminine people like grills too smh my head).
    • Post the picture of the fish you caught in !sports (feminine people like fish too smdh my damn head).
    • At best, stuff like this is off-topic. At worst, it’s reinforcing genders norms…
    • If you’re not trying to be seen as masculine for your lifestyle content, it’s irrelevant to this comm. If you are trying to be seen as masculine, let’s have a discussion about why these things are seen as masculine.

Resources:

*The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love by Bell Hooks

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