Its not just that it has special effects that look like a movie from the early 00s. Its not just that this is Tom Hanks worst performance in decades. Its not that the design of the titular character is boring and unimaginative trite. It’s not even that they took some of the most iconic scenes of the animated film and shat all over them.
SPOILERS!!!
Get this shit:
Pinocchio doesn’t become a real boy. The movie ends with him saving Geppetto and him saying “Pinocchio you are more real to me then you ever could be, and I wouldn’t change a thing.”
…and they walk off into the fucking sunset while Jiminy launches into a dumb monologue.
The. Fuck.
I know I’m getting angry about a dumb children’s movie but sorry not sorry: that’s fucking bullshit. “You don’t have to change who you are” is a perfectly great moral and arc for a story about not conforming to peer/parental pressure…but THAT ISN’T THE STORY OF FUCKING PINNOCCHIO.
Pinnocchio doesn’t want to be a real boy because he thinks that will make other people happy, but rather because it will make him happy because deep down inside he knows that is who he’s meant to be!!!
I don’t want to read into it too much but especially at this moment right now that strikes me as tone deaf at best and outright nefarious at worst.
Lmao they tried to make it more woke and ended up making a terf allegory
Making the story not conform to the original tale at all, and in fact completely subvert the point of the original is the sort of thing you tend to do when you’re trying to wring every last dime out of your intellectual property
Looking forward to the live action Toy Story where Tom Hanks just slaughters Tim Allen with a hammer in act one and then the movie just goes on for another 50 minutes of antics
