Last month, the FBI arrested me after the NSA intercepted text messages related to pig poop balls sent from my phone. They kept me in a black site for weeks. They kept asking me what pig poop balls means. They asked over and over again. It was all they wanted to know. They kept me isolated in a dark cell. They starved me, and tortured me both physically and psychologically for weeks. And comrades, I’m sorry to say… there was only so much I could take, and eventually I broke. Finally, I told them…

…it’s hilarious when a pig poops on its own giant balls.