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i typed up something way longer but deleted it all. too many lines. but i need internet people to tell me how awful i am being.
CW-fat acceptance
spoiler
ever since my SO and I moved in together four years ago,we’ve both gained a significant amount of weight (we keep a journal of measurements). my genetics have me predisposed to diabetes and heart disease so i have had the wrath of god instilled into me to avoid obesity at all costs (was a very fat kid, lost over 100lb) if i want to live past 50. tonight i brought up these personal fears and how i wish that we could get this under control before we get married because in my opinion i feel we enable each other to binge eat or otherwise eat unhealthily. my SO argues that you can be healthy at any weight. saying that we are healthy and i am being alarmist. normally i would just let it slide and hope they think about it and refocus on my own efforts in hopes of inspiring them, but not tonight. i came back and said that’s ridiculous considering we’ve gained 10 pounds every year like clockwork since we moved in together. to which they suggested we should break up then. i was stunned and told them that’s not what i want or am suggesting at all, and that i am always going to push back on things i know to be false. argument ended after that and we’ve made up since. i’m worried that this is just going to be irreconcilable however. i feel like i’m in the wrong for prodding and causing grief, but at the same time i feel a great pressure to make sure me and my SO are healthy so we can have as much quality time together as possible. i never want to lose them.
feeling like shit rn might just stay up all night thinking about how much i fucked up :agony-consuming:
Since they jumped so quickly to an emotional response like “Oh we should just split up then?” it seems pretty clear that the issue is not really that they think any weight can be healthy. They might instead be really insecure about the weight gain and worry that you will leave them. I think it would be productive to address their feelings instead of the health issue itself - let them know that you still love them, even if they stay at this weight and don’t feel ready to make any changes. I completely understand your desire to see your SO healthy as well, but it seems that they can’t take that pressure and will need to get to that place on their own. It will raise difficult feelings and questions for them either way when you start changing your habits.
“It will raise difficult feelings and questions for them either way when you start changing your habits.”
this is essentially the only path forward i have. but i feel restricted doing it alone because i’m afraid of how those difficult feeling and questions will manifest (resentment, jealousy) if i do clean up and get in good shape. plus they never prepare their own meals so it’s even more challenging to cook separate meals (they dont like a lot of healthier foods i make) i can’t let that get in the way of me doing what i need to do for myself, but trying to appease or convince hast not been working.
You’re not being awful, it is indeed possible to be healthy at (almost) any weight. Maybe the current lifestyle is healthy for her. But you are feeling unhealthy at your current weight and you absolutely should bring it up with your partner if you think you should be eating less and exercising more.
Maybe you didn’t phrase it very well to them, but trying to get buy in to help you with healthy living doesn’t a priori make you the asshole, and using a breakup as a threat was a dick move on her part. Who the hell breaks up over their partners meal portion size?
it is indeed possible to be healthy at (almost) any weight.
lmao what. that’s a new one
It’s possible (but unlikely in modern society) to be obese but have good nutrition and activity levels high enough to mitigate the health effects such as high cholesterol). We’re talking manual laborer to elite athlete activity levels here.
