I don’t consider myself particularly interesting, but I would say my interests are vastly different from the average guy on dating apps
I don’t know how to say this without sounding pretentious, but I prefer intellectual conversation over nights at the bar or whatever. I just want to be able to share the thoughts I have floating around my head with someone, ya know? When I’m not on hexbear.net, I play guitar, draw, write and enjoy analyzing different types of media and digging into the meaning of stuff
Stream of consciousness slop, I know, but I’m super high and my thoughts are firing off. Can anyone relate or see where I’m coming from?
I don’t know, but I’m not convinced they’re worth using for most people.
There are ways to tell the truth about what’s important to you without scaring them away. Say left politics instead of communist or whatever. Mention hobbies, take pictures that show you enjoying those hobbies(if possible). But yea, i think with any kind of dating, online or not, you can’t be totally yourself right away. You have to ease them into it. You have to get to a friendship level before you can let loose. Nobody should act totally the same around a new person as they would a long time friend.
I guess I never had to deal with these sort of issues when I was younger. Now that I’m living alone and have a bit more time for self exploration, I’m realizing what I actually enjoy is vastly different than whatever charade I put on when I’m out in public.
youll still need to be mostly honest, but you gotta massage the truth sometimes with a new person. And i didnt know shit about dating until quite a few years after high school but online dating made it much more comfortable to have an intro. Plus I wasnt going up to people in bars for random conversations. Bleh.
Also, and i hate myself a little for recommending this, but Tinder works wayyyyy better if you pay for it. You can superlike someone and it will notify them and you dont have to wait for them to match with you and they can choose if they want to respond.
I dislike dating apps or dating in general for that reason. I don’t believe that people can be their authentic selves in that situation. Love shouldn’t be a job interview, it should be a natural relationship with a friend that becomes more over time.
I understand why some people might like it though and I mean no disrespect to people who like dating, you do you.
Let me put it this way, if you lie and get a date, you’re eventually going to have to be yourself eventually, why put that extra pressure on yourself? Just be you and if no one is interested then you’re probably better off finding love a different way.
Love shouldn’t be a job interview
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you can talk with a person irl before you start dating them you know. Do stuff together as friends first.
That’s another thing: It genuinely feels like dating apps are an extension of the a la carte economy
All the streaming services, healthcare, phone plans, and now relationships. The most universal part of the human experience commodified? Cool!
this is absolutely correct. Online dating loses the element of spontaneity that sanctifies a romantic relationship with the “chance of fate.” The event of falling in love with another person is forces you to reevaluate your whole life, even retroactively, to explain your coming together with this person. That can be a traumatic process for a lot of people (including me btw) so people would rather just pick from a menu.
We are almost returning to pre-romantic times where person love is a matter you put in the hands of other. Except now instead of it being your dad or uncle deciding who to marry it’s “dating agencies” and apps who select people on a very similar basis (connections and wealth). What these apps offer is is precise love, love without messy business of falling in love, which are what makes up normal unpredictable romantic encounters. It’s sad, I think a lot of people are afraid of these encounters nowadays because they can hurt a lot but they can also be so nice and we are losing it. It’s like most of the treat-addicted West: we want the pleasures without having to pay any costs. Soda without sugar, beer without alcohol, sex without love.
Honestly. Nothing beats meeting people in real life through friends or doing something fun.
There was somewhat of a “golden age” of dating apps before they figured out how to “properly” calibrate the monetization of them.
That ship sailed in like 2014 and now they are largely vectors of psychic damage.
Get involved in a handful of routine social groups and you’ll meet people organically.
