It seems like every culture expects guests to want to eat regardless of their circumstances, and if you refuse, you’re automatically rude and insulting.
If I offer you food and you refuse, I’m going to be quite happy. It means I get to save money and have more food to myself. I ain’t offering a second time if you say no the first time :maduro-coffee:
I think there is a fundamental misunderstanding here. The first refusal is for the sake of the guest acknowledging that hospitality consumes resources and therefore in addition to the politeness of offering there is also a politeness to giving an out. The second offer and second response are the only real ones.
In hindsight, just google Turkish etiquette rules. They have a highly ritualized and formally laid set of guidelines to politely express the degree of hospitality and politeness you intend to give/are comfortable to receive (this does not apply to Vienna). It serves as a good primer on how and why hospitality customs come to be and the purpose they serve. As a rather non typical individual, having all those rules helps.
The system developed during times of famine. The first offer was to show that the host wanted to share food with the guest, even if they didn’t have any. The first response must be a refusal so the guest allows the host to save face. The second offer is the real offer, and you can accept or reject that one because it is an actual offer of food, not a forced offer.
I only find it rude when Mormon missionaries who show up at my door refuse my offer of booze and weed.
Sharing food is a tradition so ancient that some people argue it’s evolved straight into your psyche as proof of intrinsic altruism. Is this the commodity form in action, deterritorializing the ritual of hospitality so it can be managed more efficiently in the profane language of economics? :bern-disgust:
I’ve heard some amazing stories about the depths of deception and skullduggery that Iranians will go to to pay the tab for dinner. Truly Machiavellian scheming to ensure that the cost for dinner is run on their card.
