I’m a large man that sometimes sports a mohawk. I’ll be honest I sometimes look like a Batman goon or something.
I try so hard to not freak people out. I had a lady literally run to her car away from me once because it was night time in a parking lot.
No idea what to do about it lmao, I feel awful when it happens.
Recently I’ve started calling my girlfriend or another friend and chatting with them til I reach my destination. Alternatively I’ll play music on my phone speaker, whistle, do something to make a noticeable amount of noise. Talking with someone is ideal though.
Used to do this before I came out as trans.
I still do this, but I also used to.
same. at the time, I could never quite explain why the idea of making someone uncomfortable like this bothered me so much. it went waaaay beyond normal courtesy or empathy and was a viscerally unpleasant feeling, like my skin was wrong.
I of course now realize a lot of those feelings were intense gender dysphoria from being perceived as both a man and as a threat. I still don’t blame anyone for responding in whatever way they need to feel safe, it just sucked that my presence was stressing someone out.
Now that I’ve transitioned further, it has been relieving to see how other women don’t tense up with me nearby now. I’m also now personally aware of why we have to be vigilant about men, which is… :yea:
I remember a woman on reddit saying she’d be more comfortable if at night men behind her were being as loud as possible so it doesn’t feel like they’re trying to sneak up on her. And on the one hand, fair enough, on the other hand I don’t see any practical way of implementing that without seeming mentally unstable and rolling back to being threatening.
Talk on the phone about DnD; nothing intimidating about a grown man whining about the hobgoblin’s challenge rating being too low for a creature with 18 AC fighting players with no higher than a +5 attack roll at level 1 or 2, even with combat advantage.
You could also start talking about your lord of the rings meets pokemon cosplay outfit.
I whistle while walking normally, but people still complain that I sneak up and spook them; so I wear my keys on my hip like bells on a damn cat collar since mosying around like Elle Driver apparently isn’t enough of a warning.
Was in this position walking down a dark highway to the bus stop at like 10pm. I’m a big guy so usually if I’m worried about seeming like I’m creeping up on a woman when I’m trying to pass her I’ll cross the road or something, but I couldn’t really dash over the highway. We were also both walking to the last bus and I didn’t wanna do the 8ish mile walk home in the middle of the night so I couldn’t hang too far back. Every time I tried to speed up a little bit to pass her she kept moving faster and I wish I could have just said “I’m sorry, I’m not chasing you, I’m just trying to pass you to be polite” without sounding like a psycho.
I was stoned and walking a few meters behind a woman who I’d thought saw me when we both turned onto the block, and she turned around and let out a solid yelp with panic in her eyes at my oblivious ass. I usually try and be conscious of such situations, but since it was in broad daylight near a busy street and all I didn’t think we’d have an issue idk. Mildly humorous, but I do feel bad, and I can only imagine that she has had some sort of previous experience that put her on edge (at the same time, I really hope it’s not due to true-crime/“everything is a sex trafficking scheme” brainworms, but I would doubt it)
“everything is a sex trafficking scheme” brainworms
about that….
:epstein:
Yeah I wonder if women would have a reason to disproportionately take up a hobby interest in studying violent crime 🧐
See, but then I worry she thinks I’m trying to creep up on her so I gotta be really loud about it and “ON YOUR LEFT!” like a psycho from like a block away. And I’m not sure that’s better.😅
Just start sprinting when you shout so there’s less time before you pass her.
“I’M CROSSING THE STREET BECAUSE YOU’RE A WOMAN. NOT BECAUSE YOU’RE BLACK OR ASIAN!”
Lmao I am so glad I’m not the only one who overthinks these harmless interactions like that. I thought it was just the autism.
