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Join an org
Volunteer at a soup kitchen
Join a community soccer team/running club/hiking group/dance troupe/choir or whatever
Take cheap classes at community centres
Join an org
Get involved in the most left municipal political party
Go to Meetups about things you’re interested in
Join a book club
Join an org
Attend community activities that get posted as places like the library
Join a board game community
Oh and join an org
You can’t just guarantee that you’ll meet someone you vibe with with one of these things, you gotta keep trying new things and putting yourself or there. There’s a lot of inertia at the start but the more people you meet the more it starts to build a momentum. Good luck.
avoid pain and boredom.
i’ve got some videogame friends but they’re not local and I can’t afford to move.
navigating social situations is exhausting and feels like self-harm
Social shit is very hard to do, but these are good suggestions, especially when you’re not used to it. Socialising in our society is not an easy thing and I 110% empathise with the struggle. If you genuinely cannot find a single org/class/group that even slightly aligns with your interests, you may just have to put up with doing something you’re not passionate about in order to meet others.
I’m extremely bad at social stuff, but found a local walking group easy because it means silences aren’t awkward, talk can just happen as/when it happens, or I can even just say very little if I’m not feeling it. I’m not particularly into walking, and I’m not that good at talking, but it’s a way for me to be part of a group, have an occasional fun chat when the moment arises, and get exercise in.
i had a group thing or two pre-covid but nothing ever escalated.
it’s so difficult to want to do anything and then actually go through the ordeal for a chance at something that depends on the interest and investment of strangers.
maybe there’s a cult somewhere that just does the love bombing part and skips the low-protein gruel and mass weddings.
Join an org but I would say don’t join an org with making friends as your first or even a high priority
Building connections should be a top priority but imo, org work should be treated like a workplace (one that isn’t capitalist soul drain). Keep things professional and put an honest effort in. Try to not let personal drama ruin the dynamics of the org
You make a good point. We shouldn’t try to make our cause become drone-like like liberal think tanks. However, I would say that sentiment should be more applicable to broader organizations like a socialist party where people are seeking to change not just the economy but also the nature of social interactions.
If the organization you’re attending is something specific like food banks, animal shelter, etc. then maybe go with the flow to avoid disruption and socialize whenever you can.
I mean I don’t really think you should be doing any of these things with the primary aim of making friends, but rather to live a rich and varied life interacting with other people and pursuing your interests. But ultimately this is how new friends are made, by going out and engaging with people socially until you meet people you click with.
I’ve made friends recently in my new city by playing table tennis at a club, pickup pickleball (lol) at a public court, and volunteering at a food kitchen place
My other friends have made friends by going to weekly board game nights at a bar, going to small underground music shows, playing pickup volleyball
The most important thing is to go to some event that occurs regularly so that you can build up a connection with other people that also go regularly
I’m not going to lie, if your interests aren’t inherently very social interests (I like getting high by myself, listening to music by myself, and reading political analysis/economic analysis/history by myself more than anything else), you will have to force yourself to do some things you don’t like. Then you can always drop the activity after you start making friends to hang out with outside that activity
There is a local game & comic store that hosts card games & crap that I’ve been trying to get involved with, but any time I go there people just are not willing to engage with me
Nerds have that problem. They’re so used to people being dicks to them that they think this is the normal mode of human interaction. Thus it’s really hard to get in with them, because they take any opportunity to turn the table and be the one doing the ostracizing for once.
So with regard to the game store thing. You do kinda have to insert yourself into conversations. Or just come out and say you’re trying to make friends when talking to someone. It doesn’t always work, but it will eventually. People naturally tend to talk to people they already know most of the time. There’s some stonewallers out there, but most people will open up once it’s apparent that it’s like, ok, to be talking to you and you want to be talked to.
I guess it’s true that not all small towns are the same. You can have a town of barely 15k that’s well-connected and diverse and bustling, that practically invites you in, and you can have a town of up to 100k that’s a sleepy glorified residential subdivision.
Sometimes there’s an advantage to living in a place where everyone has a commonality of location, as opposed to a metropolis where some can live completely sequestered away, with everyone else out of sight and out of mind. In small- to mid-size towns, you have practical, situational ties with the other residents even if you have nothing else in common with them. And therein lies a potential for impact. In the big city, nobody gives a shit about you, the show will go on just fine with or without you.
Another aspect is that people make friends in their workplaces. This has always been true everywhere, but in this age of increased isolation and especially in towns with less civic engagement, it is common to see friend groups firmly delineated by place of employment. In jobs where I have worked, usually there’s maybe 10% of employees that are progressive enough for me to really call friends. Sometimes they leave before I can get a good readout though.
If you want to PM me, I’d be happy to exchange details and stories and tips and tricks around finding and building community in more rural places.
Yeah I get what you mean.
I’ve tried to be a social butterfly lately but I’m still more or less where I was before. You can get people to talk about certain things but there’s no real connection. If they already have friends then they don’t really feel a need to talk to you beyond pleasantries. If they don’t have friends, they’re probably at least made peace with being friendless and still aren’t interested. I guess not having any mainstream interests is part of that but it still sucks.
Hobby groups and organization can help but there ain’t shit within an hour and a half from me. I’d look at your area and see if you got something you’re interested in.
Find a hobby group, join an org and be social with the people in it
Know it is easier said than done, but like, that’s worked for my neurodivergent ass
