Do you like the outdoors? Are you physically fit enough to work 8-12 hours moving things around? If so, and you live near almost any major American city I can almost guarantee you USPS is hiring any warm body that tries to get work. The process takes a long time sometimes but they’re desperate (where I am the rumor is that they’ve completely stopped drug testing to fill vacancies).

It’s unionized, it’s got okay wages if you’re not in a HCOL area, the benefits are fine and you’re prettymuch guaranteed plenty of work on the carrier side. Clerks are more hit and miss, rural carriers are their own bag of worms, but once you make regular you get a 401k type thing and there is still a pension, even if it’s less good than it used to be. It also looks respectable to other organizations and (this is my perspective) feels like you’re actually doing something helpful for real people in your community. Only job I’ve had that I’ve been proud at all to tell people I do.

That said, management is shit, will treat you carelessly, and you’ll be expected to learn how to protect yourself from contract violations because the work culture is insane. There’s a lot of maladjusted people and old people with extremely backwards ideas, and your experience depends pretty heavily on the office and people in it. With your background and training you might be able to make the jump into the computer/programming end too, I wouldn’t know how to help you there though.

I’m not sure if this would be hope or Joker makeup. I think a lot of people who work for USPS alternate between the two.

hey you sound just like me. except I don’t have a degree and it’s been 8 years since I last worked. and I just got on disability in February.

Have you considered volunteering? Show yourself as willing to work just for the sake of it, and you’ll probably find at least one person there who can provide a reference for you.

Also, having your own job might not be enough for complete self-sufficiency, but don’t discount the feeling of being useful and worthwhile that having a job gives you. A job shouldn’t be a prerequisite for that, but as things currently are, it does help.

The fact that you actually want to improve yourself and earn your own way means a lot. Don’t sell yourself short.

good ideas from comrades RE particular job opportunities, but i’d just like to broaden the scope of advice: you’re facing a thorny problem that requires a holistic solution. if it were as easy as going down to the temp agency, or the union hall, you’d have done it by now. the fact is, you’ve made it this far on this path, because you’ve become incredible at avoiding and protecting yourself from psychic distress. but any move from here will be highly distressing; you need to build up the capacity to endure this.

• you need to see a therapist. if you make excuses here, you’re frankly not ready to be serious (i have every confidence you can dig yourself out of this hole, but have little confidence you can do so without seeing someone). you need someone whom you can develop a relationship with; whom you can confide your pain and anxiety; who can help keep you accountable; who can teach you how to show yourself/your past self grace; who can provide you w/ healthy techniques for dealing with psychic pain /anxiety when it arises; who can put you in contact with a prescriber in case you’d benefit from pharmacological intervention.

• walking is good. add more intense cardio or weight lifting: this will alleviate psychic pain; make you stronger; give you more confidence; provide a template by which you can see yourself struggle and then arrive at progress and improvement, which you can take into other facets of your life.

• take some classes, online, or better, at a local community college, that are related to your interests and past education. this will strengthen these skills, which have atrophied, and will put you in contact with people related to your field and interest. and, importantly, it will give you something to say – if you’re not working or learning, every interaction is a potential site of humiliation, as you may be asked, what do you? but if you’re taking classes, you will be able to say that you are, and you can talk about your interests in those areas.

• volunteer and/or take a low-commitment part time job. volunteering is as good as everyone has described it; you will feel useful and good. and a part time shit job is just fine – it’s part time, it’s not the totality of your identity-- and there’s a dignity in working and getting a paycheck, even for doing shit.

• frankly, i really like the idea of going out for agricultural /seasonal work. it will get you out of the fucking house and get you some fresh air, you’ll meet people, and costs will be low, you can bring interesting books for the evening and will have the opportunity to see and develop different aspects of yourself.

• journal, or do mindful practices, or meditate. too much scrolling, too many screens, you need to practice sitting only with yourself, if only starting at a little a day.

as you engage in the above, you can develop goals /ambitions, about what larger projects you want to pursue. you surely have a lot to give, but you need to put yourself in a position where you can give it. rooting for you bro.

~~

I’ll still be miserable with a job, just a different kind of miserable

there’s truth in this, as when Morrissey sings, I was looking for a job and then I found a job, and heaven knows I’m miserable now. and yet, i can assure you, as someone who once felt very much like you do now, you’ll feel so much better and stronger on the other side.

Trade school. Union if its in your area. Electric/HVAC/Plumbing/Welding (and others, those are just what come to mind right now) are always needed. We need electricity, water, air conditioning, and welders to build shit. None require a lumberjack’s physique, and i know plenty of AC techs and electricians that work in shorts and running shoes. I work with plenty of other plumbers who don’t adhere to the traditional manly man stereotype. Same with the welders i know.

Im not sure what your natural inclinations are, so i dont think i can give more than generalized advice, but trade schools usually have a network of employers that they can use a little good old fashioned nepotism with to get you onboard somewhere while you school so you can earn some dough while you learn your trade.