Such a long title.
Basically I’m wondering if this happens IRL, and how. I’ve heard countless stories of people who hold a grudge against family members /ex partners/ ex friends/ neighbours etc. for years, and they do horrible things to each other. Or maybe just the cold shoulder can be rough especially for such a long time. But not so many stories of people in these situations who suddenly talk things out unexpectedly, out of their own will and not because they kept getting nagged about whatever happened.
I’ve also heard about people who screw up big once, never acknowledge or apologize, then everyone puts the episode behind and moves on. But I’ve never heard about suddenly this person perhaps decades afterwards just actually addressing their screw up and apologizing.
So, have you ever received one of these big, unexpected apologies? Or have you ever apologized for something you did you never thought you would want or dare to apologize for?
There was this girl in my school who was an immigrant and didn’t speak the national language. It was, I believe, second grade. Our whole class, including me, constantly laughed at her, and it was clear she wasn’t enjoying it. She was somewhat of an outsider, never participating in social events, never properly socializing. I left that school the next year, so I didn’t get to see her anymore.
I met her again in high school, six years later. She spoke the national language, integrated properly, and had many friends. I even met her through a mutual friend. We spoke normally at first, simply acknowledging our shared past, but some guilt gnawed at me. It’s not like I couldn’t sleep thinking about how I treated her, but I couldn’t just pretend I’ve always been nice to her. So, one day, I took her to the side… and apologized. She was flustered, she clearly didn’t expect that, nor did she hold a grudge according to her, but I felt way better afterwards.
Edit: spelling
I actually want to apologize to someone, for not being honest when we were 17-19 (we’re both now 27-28).
I always lied whenever she asked me to just hang out. Said I could not or had something else.
Truth is, I never dared because of my dad. I didn’t want him to know that, I was hanging out with a girl. A lot happened in my youth and didn’t want to have another violence experience at home.
That and the fact I just feel awkward around people or on 1 on 1 meetings.
But I feel like it’s been way to long for that apology.
I once had someone explain they were interested in me years ago, and although it wasn’t an apology (which would have been nice to get, he was an absolute dick at times), it helped me recalibrate how I thought about myself.
So I I don’t know about your particular circumstances, it does sound like it’s been too long to apologize for something that can be taken as shyness. But maybe explaining the whys can help this other person, I don’t know.
I received an apology from a person who bullied me, at the end of our time at school. It was nice and all… if he could have come to this realisation during school then that would have been better.
Technically I did this with my first BF. I would’ve done it sooner but wasn’t able to communicate with him.
Yes.
I met up with my ex for lunch decades back when she came to town on other business. She took me to lunch and apologized for taking me for granted and generally not being a very good girlfriend at the time.
Similarly, my brother called me up one day and took the time to apologize how how he’d acted the whole time we were growing up together and years afterwards.
I think it was more experience and better perspective for the first, and more maturity for the second, that triggered the self-reflection and apologies.
Thanks for sharing! Did these have much of an effect on you, or were you already over the events?
My relationship with my brother really improved after, now we’re on good terms and can trust in mutual respect in our interactions.
With my ex, it really helped me reëvaluate my behavior as a partner; instead of just “what have I done wrong” I now also am mindful of what I have done right, and I was able to carry that forward into my next relationship, which I’ve been in for fourteen years now.
