Such a long title.
Basically I’m wondering if this happens IRL, and how. I’ve heard countless stories of people who hold a grudge against family members /ex partners/ ex friends/ neighbours etc. for years, and they do horrible things to each other. Or maybe just the cold shoulder can be rough especially for such a long time. But not so many stories of people in these situations who suddenly talk things out unexpectedly, out of their own will and not because they kept getting nagged about whatever happened.
I’ve also heard about people who screw up big once, never acknowledge or apologize, then everyone puts the episode behind and moves on. But I’ve never heard about suddenly this person perhaps decades afterwards just actually addressing their screw up and apologizing.
So, have you ever received one of these big, unexpected apologies? Or have you ever apologized for something you did you never thought you would want or dare to apologize for?
There was this girl in my school who was an immigrant and didn’t speak the national language. It was, I believe, second grade. Our whole class, including me, constantly laughed at her, and it was clear she wasn’t enjoying it. She was somewhat of an outsider, never participating in social events, never properly socializing. I left that school the next year, so I didn’t get to see her anymore.
I met her again in high school, six years later. She spoke the national language, integrated properly, and had many friends. I even met her through a mutual friend. We spoke normally at first, simply acknowledging our shared past, but some guilt gnawed at me. It’s not like I couldn’t sleep thinking about how I treated her, but I couldn’t just pretend I’ve always been nice to her. So, one day, I took her to the side… and apologized. She was flustered, she clearly didn’t expect that, nor did she hold a grudge according to her, but I felt way better afterwards.
Edit: spelling
I ran into one of my school bullies a few years later on a walk, didn’t even recognize the guy at first. He did apologize for back then and said he was a dick. Didn’t really do anything for me to be honest, but I accepted it at least and went my way.
One apology I wish I had gotten but never did: I was the designated driver for a friend (and a friend of his), just hanging out, bit of drinking, but I’m not a big fan of bars. It got late and I just wanted to go home at that point, so we got into the car. I was going to drop them off where they wanted and now suddenly my friend (sitting next to me) wanted to pick up and annoy yet another friend of his (detour and I just wanted to drop them off at that point). I said no, I’m not picking up another friend at this point.
When I wanted to do a right turn the guy grabbed the steering wheel and tried to go left towards the other friend. Had to stop the car, luckily we weren’t going fast and it was inside the town. I got pissed, dropped them off where originally agreed upon and drove home. Wasn’t the first time either that he reached over to the steering wheel, but last time he just got annoyed at a dick on the road and used my horn (while I’d have just let it go).
Well, never got an apology, so I just stopped talking with the guy. Years later he wrote me again, we talked a bit and I brought up that I was still annoyed from him grabbing the wheel back then. He thought it’s so long ago, why do I still make a big deal out of it? Super annoying.
Yes.
I met up with my ex for lunch decades back when she came to town on other business. She took me to lunch and apologized for taking me for granted and generally not being a very good girlfriend at the time.
Similarly, my brother called me up one day and took the time to apologize how how he’d acted the whole time we were growing up together and years afterwards.
I think it was more experience and better perspective for the first, and more maturity for the second, that triggered the self-reflection and apologies.
Thanks for sharing! Did these have much of an effect on you, or were you already over the events?
My relationship with my brother really improved after, now we’re on good terms and can trust in mutual respect in our interactions.
With my ex, it really helped me reëvaluate my behavior as a partner; instead of just “what have I done wrong” I now also am mindful of what I have done right, and I was able to carry that forward into my next relationship, which I’ve been in for fourteen years now.
I have a cousin that’s the same age as I am and we were practically siblings growing up because we lived in the same apartment building and went to the same school. And I was really mean to her during our late teen years. The worst thing I did was stole her IRC chat logs with her bf and shared it with some of our friends. I apologized to her a few years later and we were on good terms since then.
Yes, I apologized to a girl for having sex with her 20 years ago and then ghosting her. Then we had sex again and I almost ghosted her again. We concluded that we have great sex but aren’t ment to be together.
