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Okay, a narc is someone who tattles on you, it usually means someone who gives info to police, but it’s been used for people who “tells on” someone to someone else. It’s pronounced with a hard c, like a k sound “nark.”
Just so you don’t abbreviate narcissism as narc in the future.
No, I have NPD and we’re called narcs sometimes. It’s often used in the community as a shorthand, but generally if it comes from a neurotypical it’s a slur. I’m aware of the other meaning of the word and I don’t have a problem with it, but I tend not to use it because it just reminds me of the homonym which is actually offensive.
OP is 13.
Some of this advice may not be applicable based off your situation.
- Get involved in extracurricular activities. This gets you out of the house and gets you more exposure to people your age. It also might look good to colleges. If at all possible, do so without ever requiring your parents to help you, especially time critical things like rides
- Alternatively or additionally, get an after school / weekend job. This does the same things as the previous one but also gets you money that can help you leave ASAP
- When you are home, be nice. Honestly, be too nice. If I were advising my teenage self, I’d say “Hedgehog, imagine that you’re dealing with a very powerful toddler. You need the toddler to feel loved, so make sure to smile, keep your tone nice, and compliment it (what a nice outfit; thanks for helping with xyz; etc) even if the compliment feels ridiculous, like “I was just thinking about how cool was.” You can’t be candid with them; you’re not dealing with a rational person, but you are dealing with someone who has power over you. You might prefer to think of them like a jailer or an alien zookeeper.
- Take care of yourself. Make sure you’re eating right, exercising, drinking water, getting fresh air, wearing clean clothes, sleeping in a bed with clean sheets and bedding, etc…
- Remind yourself that just because the alien zookeeper said something about you doesn’t make it true. Aliens aren’t exactly good judges of human character.
- Don’t tell your narcissist parents that this is what you’re doing. It took me far too long to realize that when post people are actively opposed to understanding what you tell them, there’s no way to explain it to them that they’ll get it. So don’t make things harder for yourself by telling them they’re narcissistic or an alien zookeeper or whatever.
- Do your best to not get angry or otherwise act unpleasant.
- On the other hand, do your best to firmly, but calmly defend your boundaries, when it’s important.
- Pick your battles.
- If possible, don’t have battles at all. Get your way without making it a fight. Ask for things only when they’re in a good mood.
Some of these things “enable” narcissistic behavior, but if you’re moving out in a few years then it won’t be your problem anymore.
If you’re not a psychiatrist, then you don’t have the training needed to diagnose someone with a mental disability. I don’t care whether your parents actually have NPD or not, but the risk of armchair diagnosing someone is that you’ll just amplify stereotypes. You diagnose them because they meet a stereotype, and then you study their behaviour and reach the conclusion that narcisstists act like the stereotype, and then you spread your conclusion. It’s citogenesis.
Also “narc” when used to say someone has NPD is straight up a slur.
Welcome to the internet. Begin able to change your reality demands the higher sacrife and nothing come easily. Isn’t about your age or the money, most of the time what we think is awful is just nothing compare to the sacrifice need it to change. Alot of people who run away from their abusive families ends to find the same reality with a lot more abusive jobs, roommates or landlords. So what the deal? World is just an hell and what we can do it? Nothing, existing for some times, eating potatoes, doing stuff, not aspecting the happy ending, and yes there is always a way to go on in any situation.
