CW: transphobia
Are any of you dating/partners with a lib? how do you handle it? the woman I’ve been seeing is a lib. The worst of it is that she doesn’t accept that personal pronouns are a thing, so definitely a bit of a transphob. I hope its just because she is just ignorant of the issues, but in other conservations we have she does some impressive level centrism and both-siding so I don’t know. “Slavery wasn’t bad because it was legal, everyone did it, nobody was saying it was bad at the time” etc.
We basically broke up last night, not directly because of these issues, but they are definitely a part of it. I want to be able to be completely mask off with my partner, but I also don’t want to have to get into an argument every time I use “they” in the singular. I have moments of doubt where I worry I’ve fallen into a weird online cult and am now do the “oh, you like (BLANK)? name their last 3 albums,” but with online leftist culture.
Since I do limited praxis, sometimes all of this feels theoretical. But when I open up /r/collapse or chapo.chat, I’d like to have a partner that would be able to see the world as I see it.
Otherwise we have a great time together and are able to have really good conversations. Even that we broke up last night was because she is great at communication and was able to draw this out of me. The conversation was something that I wanted to do, but I don’t know when I would have gotten around to it on my own.
More broadly, how sure are you that you found the person that you want to be with? Did you feel that you compromised/settled? I don’t really believe in romantic love, but maybe its just because I haven’t found it yet.
should I put an ironic closing line, to act cool?
I wish I could offer any real helpful advice, but as I get older, the more sold I am on the notion that romance is really just one of the shittiest casino games in human existence. There really doesn’t seem to be any habit that makes any of it any better (there are plenty of bad habits that can certainly make things -worse-, though). It’s just time and effort to throw the dice and see what happens. I fully agree with you, though. I don’t think I could really be happy with anyone that I couldn’t relate with on topics that are most important to me (aka my politics). I’ve thought in the past that through political action I’d find someone, but that hasn’t really panned out, in addition to that there are precedents that have established political work as basically a place where romance should be left out, so I feel bad actively seeking anyone out romance or romantic interests via such a channel. Fuck it, I dunno.
More broadly, how sure are you that you found the person that you want to be with?
Person? Sounds awfully mono-normative to me 😏
I mean, people can change over time, but it’s also not your obligation to “work on them” or anything like that, especially if they’re apologists for fuckin’ slavery (god damn, yo). The fundamental moral disagreement between you two was obviously too much for the relationship to handle the strain, otherwise I assume it…would have handled the strain, and you’d still be a couple, yeah?
Women dumped me in the past specifically over shitty attitudes and reactionary beliefs I had, and while I like to think I’ve done a good job shaking off those attitudes, it wouldn’t have done either of us any good to try to sit through an uncomfortable relationship with each other where they would try to “fix me” or whatever. They would have become exhausted I’m sure, and I probably would have become resentful.
