This should be fucking obvious but an argument I just went through on Twitter (gods I really should just not get on twitter) tells me that even left-leaning people for some reason sometimes think they are owed this information simply because they are interested in flirting.
Transpeople have no obligation to out themselves. even if you have or are going to kiss, or date them.
To think otherwise is to assume you are owed knowledge about their body. To get upset after they do tell you is to assume you were entitled to continue the relationship, or that they were trying to manipulate you.
If you have hangups that would prevent a relationship it’s on YOU to be upfront about them or to accept the potential disappointment with grace.
Currently screaming this for the libs in the back. I don’t owe anyone shit, let alone an explanation of my body or existence. I usually tell people that if they have hang ups with my body as a trans person, their options are:
A) sort yourself out and quit being a lib
B) fuck off
C) tell it to my 9mm if the hang up is that severe
To make this extra fucking clear, Finding out someone’s body isn’t what you expected does not mean you have been tricked. It should not be abnormal to find out unique things about a person. finding out someone is trans should be no different than finding out that they have a glass eye, or they are double-jointed, or they are deaf in one ear, or any number of other conditions.
Normalize trans people, don’t categorize our bodies as “special” or “other”.
100% agree. Cis people get so fucking angry that you don’t tell them. It’s not hard to just move on if that’s not your thing. I always tell people I approach, but when someone flirts with me first and finds out after that I’m trans and gets angry, like why are you so fragile that you’re furious you found a trans person attractive?
Fucking babies, get over it
They get so fucking obtuse about it when you point out that not telling them right away does not equate to deceiving them.
CisHetronormitivity means most people have never had to explain their existence just to flirt, so they don’t even understand what they are asking.
Should ace people tell you upfront they are not and will likely never be interesting in sex? even though they may want to pursue a relationship that doesn’t include sex? would you be equally upset?
It’s like they assume anyone they are attracted to they are entitled to get a shot at.
If your ego is so fragile that not meeting your relationship expectation can make you feel mad, betrayed, or deceived you have some issues to work out. Other people are not here for your gratification.
lmao I’m just trying to imagine how robotic our conversations would have to be for the ace point to make any sense at all. Excuse me madam but I believe that you view me as a potential sexual prospect, I regret to inform you that I am sex repulsed. As wonderful as I’m sure it would be to have you in such a setting I feel that I must make it clear that your vague advances and lingering glances will not lead to a satisfying conclusion. Do you enjoy board games?
I like that little rhyme at the end - vague advances and lingering glances.
Should ace people tell you upfront they are not and will likely never be interesting in sex? even though they may want to pursue a relationship that doesn’t include sex?
Uhh, yes? That’s a pretty damn important aspect of a relationship.
I don’t think she’s suggesting it as something to drop after you’ve been married for twenty years, but also not something to have to give to people unsolicited regardless of whether you are starting to pursue a relationship or not.
Okay but on date one, date two, hell, even date three, your romantic interest may not want to have sex with you regardless of whether or not they’re asexual. Your date may never want to have sex with you, or they might initially want to have sex and then change their mind. Maybe they want to wait six months because they got burned by a recent ex. I don’t think someone should have to tell you whether or not you’re going to get laid in order to accept or ask you out on a date.
It really comes with its own set of issues and experiences. Which is why I keep one in the chamber at all times.
honestly. people should just accept trans bodies. Whether we pass or not they put us in a category of “other” which is part of why they get upset when they find out and feel decieved. If being trans was no different than any other condition, regardless of appearance or stage of transition it wouldn’t be a problem.
Trans people are the gender that they say that they are, please act like it.
