Bitch, you are a serf.

We’re in- we’re in fucking 1320, motherfucker. You are a serf. Bitch, you live in Alsace. You are a peasant. You need to give your fuckin lord the GRAIN. Your - your fucking children, you’ve had 15 child - you’ve never taken a bath. You have literally never. washed. your. penis. You’re fucking a- you’ve never used toilet paper! Motherfucker, you have WORMS. You are dying. You’ve had forty children, three of them are alive, two of them are child soldiers in the duke’s army. Bitch, the greatest thing you can hope for, is to die at the ripe old age of thirty six. You - you fucking can’t read? You fucking, you dont know what TV is? You are literally, if you were transported to today, you would be the worst gamer of all time. You don’t know shit, you literally probably don’t even know what the direction LEFT is.

So, I’m sure some “medieval guy” is gonna get mad at me for this, bitch, i’ve been to the renaissance fair. I’ve eaten a large turkey wing that the juggalos call ‘bitch beaters’ which i think is problematic but a funny thing to call them. Motherfucker… you’ve gotta - you’ve gotta recognize where you are. And then, you’ve gotta get past that. You gotta be - you gotta be unemotional, and i know im not being a great, great uhh display of that myself, but you’ve gotta - you can’t sink into this hole. you LIVE in the oubliette. your job is to crawl up the ladder motherfucker. You live in the hole. You’re in the hole. You are a rat. And the rat, when he’s in the hole, gets FUCKED. People, they only throw trash in the hole. You know what you need to eat? you need to eat a BODY, and you need to carry the plague. And you need to carry the plague around this whole world that will change this whole fucking world. And, and, and - and all your fucking enemies will vomit black bile and they will choke on blood and grow boils and DIE, but only if you get together with your other rats, and you come up with some kinda super-plague, to fuckin END YOUR ENEMIES and END THIS NIGHTMARE.

You’ve literally

never

washed

your

penis!

the bit that still just fucking murders me is, after all that ranting and raving about death and disease, “YOU WOULD BE THE WORST GAMER OF ALL TIME!”

Thank you for addressing the real issues brace :brace-cowboy:

can you post the rant this sounds hilarious