Yeah I think you’re understanding the angle right… Maybe normalizing discourse around the sexual aspects is needed to mitigate some of the issues (frankly, this is an issue within the LGBT community, let alone a broader population) this phenomenon.

Can you be transphobic and be an ally?

I know the answer you’re aiming for is “no” but…

If someone has some problematic ideas, but when push comes to shove, they will stand between a trans comrade and a barrage of police impact munitions, are they not an ally?

This isn’t a just some far off hypothetical, either it’s a real situation that I witnessed first hand in Portland multiple times. It’s a big part of why I get so upset by these struggle sessions, because they remind me of some of the fights that ripped that movement apart.

Totally agree. I rephrased the dialogue a bit in a comment above to refocus more on the sexual aspect. I didn’t mean to phrase it as terf Puritanism about who a “woman” is but it could be taken that way in the context of dating.

if they’re frustrated or discouraged and they don’t phrase those things in the most comfortable way for the group hurting them to read, it’s theyre fault.

If it gets as adversarial as “you’re at fault here,” yeah, that’s a shitty way of approaching comments like this. People should never be blamed for talking about their struggles. But an approach of “I think this would communicate the exact same point in a way that will get more people on our side, so we can address those struggles” seems pretty useful, as getting a bunch more people on our side is necessary to make the biggest improvements in the lives of trans people.