After seeing some threads it’s clear that there are chapos here who need a mentor in the romantic arts ™. Pitch me your best Q’s and I’ll spit my best A’s.
I’ve been a professional dating coach and matchmaker for the last 6 years.
edit: Wrapped up for now. Thanks everyone and good luck out there, you can do it!
What do I do about the person I really like but he’s so self-focused that he says he has no desire for a relationship right now? He was way more open a couple years ago, but I was scared. Looking back I feel like I missed some opportunities.
Well the good news here is that this very much sounds like it has more to do with things they’re going through right now than with you. This might just be a temporary thing where they’re focusing on self-improvement for a while.
Part of romance is learning when you might have had a window with a person and becoming more confident about trying things out when they show up in the future.
Everyone has at least a couple of those “what could have been” people in their life. That’s a good sign; it means people were interested in you!
Feeling afraid of taking a risk like that is completely healthy and normal. A big part of dating is about learning to go for it even though you’re a little scared. You get to that point with practice, but that practice is worth it!
But now I’m kinda stuck. I’d want wait for him (maybe when he finishes college), but if he never comes around then I’ve wasted years of my life (already have really). I also just have no real opportunities to find anyone else anyway. I’m too introverted and autistic to really make new friends or go out and join some group. And really, I just don’t want to. Basically every option I see would take years to even have another chance with one person, then if that fizzles out, years more. I just can’t go for that long.
Edit: a lot of it is really anxiety about wasting my life, especially my young life. I feel like being autistic has essentially delayed my (mental) adolescence and I’m basically just now starting to open up in ways I should have while I was still in high school.
what is love? baby don’t hurt me, baby don’t hurt me, no more…
I have no idea how to talk to women
They’re people just like you, so try not to overthink it.
This can take practice, so what I often suggest to clients is jumping on a dating app and just going for it on repeat. If you’re nervous, get the feeling of rejection out of the way on your terms by intentionally failing in a way that’s not malicious. Easy way is knock knock jokes / dad jokes. More people are receptive to those than you’d think though.
This is something you’re probably not gonna be good at right way, and that’s completely okay. No one gets good at flirting overnight. Just have fun on the journey and be kind to yourself.
Another trick that’s incredibly gross, but actually helps people: If you have problems over-idealizing people, visualize the person taking a huge shit and vomiting. I realize this sounds incredibly fucked up, but it’s jarring enough that it can bring you back to reality quick. Also do not mention that you are doing this to the other person. I had one client who did and that date predictably ended very early.
I’ve been thinking that paying a professional matchmaker would be way less shitty than dating apps